


Primadonna

by feentanz



Series: Multichapters [10]
Category: Nikolai Series - Leigh Bardugo, The Grisha Trilogy - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: F/M, i dont know how to tag this, this is basically ruin and rising but re-written
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-21
Updated: 2020-05-02
Packaged: 2021-02-27 17:54:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 32,766
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22347529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/feentanz/pseuds/feentanz
Summary: He leaned in even closer, his breathing caressing her lips now. “If I die, you never get your army,” he responded. “Or do you think the Darkling will let you live?” Zoya resisted the urge to lean closer, to see how far she could push him, how much she could get from him. But she held back, with much more restraint than she would have thought to need. “Four weeks,” she said instead, making her voice dangerously soft. “Give me four weeks and I can give you an army.” His fingers brushed along her cheek for only a second, his skin hot against hers. “Four weeks,” he confirmed, the ghost of his touch still lingering. “I expect your best work.”
Relationships: Nikolai Lantsov/Zoya Nazyalensky
Series: Multichapters [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/734664
Comments: 21
Kudos: 130





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is currently 32k long, and it's finished, so I'll upload all the chapters in the span of idk a few weeks, depending on my schedule but it will definitely be finished and not be abandoned!

Zoya felt the night air bristle as someone else stepped out onto the balcony behind her. She didn’t take her eyes off the city below, not even when the Prince - or, now the King of Ravka - stopped right next to her. 

“Brooding is a great look on you, Zoya,” he commented, the usual tone of amusement in his voice. But there was a hint of sadness, too, hidden behind the meaningless chatter. 

Zoya glanced at him sideways. She couldn’t remember ever having spoken to Nikolai privately, without a thousand other eyes watching them. “I suppose I should congratulate you on being king.” The words came out more sharply than intended. 

But if he was hurt by the lack of formality from her, he never showed. “I suppose you could,” he replied, leaning against the edge of the balcony to examine her. “Although I do believe you would have preferred someone else to sit on this throne.” 

_ The Darkling.  _ Even thinking that hurt. Zoya pressed her lips together. “My loyalty to the Darkling has long expired,” she chose to reply, carefully selecting each word. Nikolai had no reason to trust her, had done so on nothing more than the Sun Summoner’s word. A fragile arrangement. 

“Has it?” Nikolai countered. “Why the sudden change of mind?” 

Apparently, Alina hadn’t told him. Zoya glared at him. “I believe that is none of your business,  _ your Highness.”  _ She made her voice honey-sweet, but no less sharp. 

A smirk curled around Nikolai’s lips. His eyes were gleaming when he answered. “I understand the Darkling had you train squallers when he was still here?” 

Zoya raised a brow. Now  _ that  _ had been the last thing she had been expecting to hear. “Yes,” she said nonetheless. 

“How would you like resuming those duties?” 

_ Was this a trick question?  _ Zoya crossed her arms, examining his face. “Alina Starkov is leading the Second Army.” Was he testing her ambitions? Her loyalty to his course? 

Nikolai shrugged at the words. “She can not very well train every single division herself, can she?” 

Zoya huffed. “I don’t work for the Sun Summoner. Or you.” Perhaps too much of a daring thing to say to a king. 

Again, Nikolai merely smirked. “As the king, I could argue that everyone here works for me.” 

She rolled her eyes, turning half away. “Train the squallers yourself, then,” she replied. “I have no interest in being yours to order around.” As tempting as the power of such a position was, Zoya still remembered which price she had paid for being the Darkling’s loyal servant, following his every order. She was not going to make that mistake again. The next person she was loyal to would have to earn that loyalty first. And she barely knew this boy king, let alone liked him. 

“I had no intention to order you around,” Nikolai remarked, leaning a little closer across the balcony railing. “But I plan to win this war, and I can’t achieve that if my squallers are not disciplined enough to keep my ships afloat, or kill my enemies.” His breathing grazed the top of Zoya’s cheekbone. 

She leaned away then, narrowing her eyes at the king. “What do I get in return?” 

“What do you want in return?” Nikolai returned the question, interest gleaming behind his eyes. He was watching her attentively. 

_ What did she want?  _ The Darkling defeated. Revenge for Kribirsk. Nothing which Nikolai could give her, right now. “I want command of the Second Army.” 

His brows lifted at that. “Alina is commanding the Second Army.” 

Zoya kept his eyes trained to her. “Give me the First, then.” Her voice was too daring. She was in above her head here. The First Army could never have a Grisha commander. They would never follow. But she didn’t expect him to betray Alina, either. She moved closer, now standing right in front of him. Up close, his eyes were even more magnetizing than from afar. “Aren’t you planning to make her your queen, anyway?” she purred. She had seen the Lantsov emerald in Alina’s hands, knew what the meaning of that was. If she wanted a crown, she would have one. “She can hardly rule a country and command an army at the same time.” 

Surprisingly, Nikolai looked intrigued enough. “She has not accepted my proposal.” 

_ And neither will she.  _ Zoya believed Alina to be many things, but hungry for power was not one of them. She had no ambitions to be queen. All that girl wanted was Mal Oretsev. Zoya glanced up at him, strangely aware of how close she was. She could almost feel his heartbeat. “Wouldn’t she be a fool not to succumb to your charms?” she said quietly. “Or to the prospect of a crown.” 

Nikolai’s face was too close to hers. “I’m glad to know that you appreciate my charms,” he almost whispered. 

Zoya stepped backward then, reminding herself of what was at stake here. One fun night with the king might be something she would postpone to later. “Do we have a deal?” she asked instead. 

For a second Nikolai looked taken aback, blinking in confusion, as if the moment had made him forget what they had been discussing.  _ Good.  _ Apparently, her tactic had worked, then. “I can’t promise you the Second Army,” he replied eventually. “If Alina chooses that she wants to keep command, you will need to share.” He smirked. “Or fight for it.” 

Zoya huffed, fluffing her hair back over her shoulders. “I could take the Sun Summoner any day.” 

Nikolai chuckled. “You accept my proposition, then?” 

Training squallers, how fun. But she nodded all the same. “I assume we are not going to tell Alina about it.” 

Perhaps it was her imagination, but the king’s gaze seemed to turn slightly darker. “We have other matters to settle first. Then we talk about the issue of command.”    
Not very promising. Zoya felt the surprising urge to say something reassuring, to wipe the sudden sadness from Nikolai’s features. But she kept silent instead. 

Eventually, he turned to leave. “It’s getting rather late,” he commented, giving her one last glance. “You can start tomorrow.” 

Zoya gave a half-shrug as a response. “If I feel like it.” 

Nikolai smirked, shaking his head as he turned away to leave. “Goodnight, Zoya,” he called over his shoulder, without turning around once more.   
  
  
oOo  
  


Two days later, Zoya was already regretting her decision. The squallers were terrible learners, and it hardly did any good that they were all still shaken up from the recent events. And so ignoring her better judgment, she went to see Nikolai. 

She had expected him to reside in the council chambers, where the old king had seen his advisors, but Tamar told her that the new king had chosen the War Room for council meetings. 

Zoya felt a certain uneasiness creep over her back when she walked down the corridor and knocked on the door. She half expected the Darkling’s voice to call her inside, expected to see his dark head rising when she entered. 

But instead, it was Nikolai, a couple of files spread out in front of him and a cup of tea next to them. “Missing me already?” he commented, just as he seemed to have noticed her expression. “What’s wrong?”  
  
Zoya didn’t reply, instead closed the door behind herself and wrapped her arms around her body. She clearly remembered the last time she had been here, when the Darkling had called upon her to question her about what she had done to the Sun Summoner, why she had lashed out and broken three of the girl’s ribs.  
  
_ I need her,  _ his dark voice had hissed at her.  _ But I don’t need you.  
  
_ That had been the last time she had seen him before he had sent her away. It had taken Zoya too long to understand that Alina was not her true enemy. 

She was suddenly ripped back to reality by a hand on her wrist, and Zoya shrieked slightly as she noticed the king standing right in front of her. 

“I’m sorry,” he said carefully. “I shouldn’t have called you here.” 

She frowned at the apology, taking a deep breath and drawing away from his touch. The last time she had been here, she had thought the Darkling might truly kill her, judging from the rage she had seen in his eyes. But instead, he had leaned closer and whispered to her, voice as cold as death “You’re not even worth the time it would take me to get rid of you. Now get out.” And she had left. Despite everything, she had just left. Because she had not wanted to die. 

“Why this room?” she asked Nikolai eventually, running her fingers along the lines of the large map of Ravka on the wall. She remembered the Darkling standing right where she stood now. 

He sat down again, his eyes following her movements. “Privacy. I don’t want all of the palace to know about my plans just yet.” 

Zoya huffed. “You have a plan? So far it seemed more like trial and error.” 

He actually laughed at that. “I admit, my previous plots might have presented some flaws. But this time we will succeed.” 

She wondered if the hope and enthusiasm in his voice were all for show, or if he was really such a fool. “There is no succeeding against the Darkling,” she replied quietly, eyes still pinned to the map in front of her. The Shadow Fold, running right through his forsaken country. She hated even looking at the place. 

“You don’t really believe that, do you?” Nikolai replied. “Otherwise you wouldn't be here.” 

Zoya was silent for a moment. “My aunt was in Kribirsk.” She didn’t dare to turn, didn’t dare to look at the king’s face. She didn’t want sympathy or pity. All she wanted was vengeance. The chance to make up for all of her sins. “The Darkling had made the plans to attack weeks ago. If I hadn’t been stupid enough to attack Alina Starkov out in the open, he still would have trusted me enough to let me in on the plan. Then I could have saved her.” Speaking the words out loud was even more painful than thinking them, and for a moment she danced at the top of that well inside her, the one which opened and never closed, the one which was bottomless and deep as the ocean. 

But the king’s voice called her back to reality.  _ Another day, perhaps.  _ “What happened was hardly your fault.” There was no pity in his voice. 

Zoya straightened her back, taking a deep breath. “I want the Darkling defeated. I want him ripped apart and powerless, unable to defend himself when being fed to his own darkness.” At last, she allowed herself to look over to Nikolai. “But that doesn’t mean that I think it is possible to overthrow him.” The Sun Summoner’s power was hardly a match to him, even if Zoya put her own jealousy of Alina’s abilities aside. 

Nikolai smiled faintly. “I like your spirit.” His hazel eyes rested calmly on her. “But I assume that is not why you paid me a visit today.” 

_ Right.  _ She might have forgotten about those squallers. “Actually no,” she replied, leaning against the table right next to him. Her eyes swept over the open folders. Strategic movements, accounts of people from cities that the Darkling had visited, battle plans and maps of the Ravkan countryside. She made a mental note in her head about those. “I came to tell you that your squallers are terrible.” 

He raised a brow at her. “Perhaps you are just a terrible teacher.” 

Zoya’s pride prickled at those words and she huffed, giving Nikolai a lazy look. “You only say that because you’ve never had the pleasure of me as your teacher before.” 

“I take your word for it,” Nikolai replied, leaning back in his chair. “Although that doesn’t solve the problem of the squallers.” 

She glanced at him. “They need more time. None of them will live if you plan to march in three weeks.” Not that she cared. But she didn’t plan to die among them. 

“Train them harder.” His gaze was unyielding. 

Zoya never flinched, never looked away. “Give me more time.” She was only partly aware of him getting up, the sight of his eyes seeming to drown out the rest of the words. He was suddenly in front of her and she backed away, closer to the edge of the table. 

“We don’t have more time,” he said quietly. 

She crossed her arms if only to have something to shield herself with. “Then I suppose your reign was a really short one.” 

He leaned in even closer, his breathing caressing her lips now. “If I die, you never get your army,” he responded. “Or do you think the Darkling will let you live?” 

Zoya resisted the urge to lean closer, to see how far she could push him, how much she could get from him. But she held back, with much more restraint than she would have thought to need. “Four weeks,” she said instead, making her voice dangerously soft. “Give me four weeks and I can give you an army.” 

His fingers brushed along her cheek for only a second, his skin hot against hers. “Four weeks,” he confirmed, the ghost of his touch still lingering. “I expect your best work.” 

Zoya had trouble breathing, trying to ignore the shiver which had just run down her spine, the way her skin still prickled where he had touched her.  _ He’s the king,  _ she reminded himself. Besides, he wanted the Sun Summoner anyway. 

The thought of Alina made her slip away, at last, pulling away from the intimacy of the situation. “I’ll get it done,” she replied, smoothing out the front of her  _ kefta  _ with her fingers, merely to occupy herself.

“Good,” Nikolai replied, reaching for one the files which were still open. 

Zoya noticed the map he was studying, a map of the Shadow Fold and its surrounding area. She also saw the battle plan someone had drawn next to it, the careful array of soldiers. Her eyes swept over the rest of the files. “You plan to attack in the fold,” she noticed before she could stop herself. 

The king glanced at her, a slight smirk now around his lips. “I was wondering how long it might take you to figure it out.” 

“You’re going to use the darkness to our advantage,” she concluded. “Beat the Darkling with his own weapon.” Because only the Sun Summoner could light up the fold. 

Nikolai looked quite proud of himself. “Exactly.” 

For the first time since she had known him, he had indeed managed to surprise her. Zoya slipped closer, picking up the map of the city closest to the fold. Closest, now that Kribirsk was ashes. “You want to station the soldiers here and then move in from the west into the fold.” 

Nikolai raised a brow, genuine surprise now on his face. “Yes,” he agreed. 

She glanced at him for a second. “The Darkling will expect that.” She turned the map, examining the rest of the countryside. “If you want the advantage of surprise, we need to come from the opposite direction. It will mean a longer cross through the Fold, but he will never expect us to take a risk like that.” 

The king considered her words for a moment. “Spoken like a true commander, Nazyalensky,” he said eventually, a smirk tugging at his lips. “Good thinking. We’ll change the plan.” 

Now that was easy. She dropped the map, putting it back down on the table. “I should go and see to my squallers.” It was the first excuse she managed to come up with. 

Nikolai smiled, giving her a last look before she turned to the door. “If you ever have any more useful insights about this war,” he remarked. “Let me know.” 

She huffed. “Perhaps you need to work in order to gain access to my insight,” she replied, already at the door, looking back over her shoulder. 

She could have sworn Nikolai’s eyes lit up at the challenge. “I’ll keep it in mind.” 

Zoya was grinning when she closed the door behind herself.   
  
  
oOo  
  


Zoya almost ran into Genya when she made her way back to her rooms, a coincidence which she was everything but thankful for. 

Genya immediately held her back, her single eye narrowing. “Did you just come from the war room?” 

Zoya rolled her eyes, blowing a strand of hair away from her face. “So what?” She knew what Genya was thinking. She knew what everyone would be thinking if they saw her emerging from that room. Because everyone who saw her only ever thought one thing. So she fluffed back her hair over her shoulders and owned it, owned the suspicions and the rumors and even the insults. 

Genya was silent for a moment. “I heard the king made you the squaller officer.” It wasn’t a question. 

“So?” Zoya repeated. “Are you going to ask what you want to know or keep stuttering around?”   
  
Genya let out an exasperated breath. “Is there anything going on?” 

Zoya sighed. “No.” He had just thrown the Lantsov emerald at the Sun Summoner three days ago, after all. Even if she had any hopes, she hardly had a chance against what Alina Starkov apparently had to offer. Her chase of Mal Oretsev had proven that quite efficiently. 

Genya looked hardly convinced. “So he just randomly decided to make you an officer?” She raised a brow. “I have never even seen you talk to him before.” 

“I’m the best,” Zoya replied coolly, just wishing for this conversation to end. “Who else would he choose?” 

The tailor sighed, shaking her head ever so slightly. “Fine,” she said, but Zoya could tell there was something else she meant to say, some unspoken words lingering at the tip of her tongue. 

“Just say it, Genya,” she muttered, crossing her arms. 

Genya’s gaze flicked towards her, and for a moment she looked almost sad. “Just be careful.” She paused. “Don’t let him break your heart.” 

For a moment Zoya was too surprised to answer. Perhaps she was too used to people thinking that  _ she  _ was the evil seductress. She let out an awkward laugh. “As if he could break my heart,” she said, “I’ll be fine.” 

Genya smiled quickly, then turned away to leave. Zoya remained standing in the empty corridor, playing with the sleeve of her  _ kefta.  _

What she had said was the truth. She would be fine. No one had ever managed to get close to her heart, and she doubted that it would be any different with Nikolai Lantsov. No matter how easy it was to get lost in those eyes.


	2. Chapter 2

The squallers improved. Zoya trained them harder and longer, long enough for Nadia to curse her at dinner for making every bone in her body hurt. But Zoya didn’t hold back. If they were to go into the Shadow Fold in three weeks and make it out alive, they all needed training. Even her. 

After the first week, Zoya was too exhausted to even move after the training sessions, but just as she had sunk into a hot bath and closed her eyes, a servant knocked on her door. She sighed, resisting the urge to get out of the tub and use the water to drown him. “What is it?” she asked instead. 

“His Highness wishes to see you,” the servant called from the other side of the door, obvious terror in his voice. “In the library.” 

Zoya leaned her head against the edge of the bathtub. “Tell him I’ll be there once I’m done.” 

For a moment there was only silence. “His Highness said it was urgent,” the servant added eventually. 

Zoya huffed, running her hands through the hot water. “If his Highness wishes to see me right now, he is very welcome to join me in here and tell me what he wants.” 

More silence. Then the boy turned away and left. She could hear his fast steps hurrying down the corridor. Zoya could only hope that he would tell Nikolai the exact wording she had used. 

Eventually, when she decided she had kept the king waiting long enough, Zoya emerged from the bath, wrapping herself up in her dressing gown and leaving the bathroom. She changed back into her usual  _ kefta  _ and dried her hair, before making her way to the library. 

She found Nikolai bent over a stack of books, all opened, as well as some ancient maps of old Ravka spread out. She raised a brow at the chaos. “What are you trying to accomplish here?”    
Nikolai offered a lazy grin, leaning back in his chair. “I’m glad to see you could make it, Nazyalensky.” 

She only shrugged. “You were welcome to join me,” Zoya commented, reaching for the book he was studying while sitting down next to him. “What is this?” she wanted to know while her eyes scanned the page. Descriptions of the Shadow Fold, long years ago. An ancient map. A few villages which had once existed. 

“I’m trying to find the best place to start advancing towards the fold,” Nikolai replied, glancing at her for a moment. 

Zoya raised a brow, studying his face. “And you called me here to ask for my help?” That was surprising indeed. 

The king shrugged. “You’re the only one who knows the plan.” There was a particular gleam in his eyes. “Besides, we make a good team.” 

_ Team.  _ Zoya huffed, ignoring the statement while reaching for a different map. She ran her fingers over the part of the map which showed Novokribirsk, the city which was now only shadows. For a second she felt like falling. 

For a second she felt like she was back there, walking through the ruined streets.

Nikolai suddenly took the map from her, casually enough that it could have been coincidental, although she knew better. Apparently, he had read the emotion right off her face. “I was thinking about taking one of the abandoned villages into consideration,” he remarked, his fingers brushing over her arm for just a second as he leaned closer. “Somewhere around here.” He pointed at the old map. 

Zoya felt his breathing grazing the skin of her neck, sending a shiver racing along her spine. She ignored the sensation. “Could work,” she admitted. “The Darkling will hardly anticipate that move.” Her fingers moved along the lines of the Shadow Fold. “We will need a way to avoid the Volcra.” Her mind was already racing through different possibilities. 

“Could you form a shield of air around us to keep them away?” Nikolai suggested, still leaning in much too close. His shoulder was leaned against hers and some golden curls had fallen into his face. 

Zoya tried not to look his way. “No,” she replied. “Not for long enough. Not if we still plan to fight afterward.” 

Nikolai’s eyes studied the map. “David and I have been looking into anything which might give us safe passage,” he said eventually. “We will figure something out.” 

They needed to if they wanted to win. Zoya pointed to the village closest to the eastern side of the Fold. “We would have to pass through the sea to get to the other side, but it might be the easiest way.” The Darkling would never see them coming. 

“I agree,” Nikolai noted, finally pulling away and reaching for a different book. “Once we meet the Darkling, Alina will use her power. The rest of us will have to keep the volcra at bay.”  _ And the Darkling’s monsters.  _

Zoya shivered at the thought of them. Nichevo’ya. The very monsters which had tortured Genya, almost killed her. Zoya had been lucky she had escaped that part of the Darkling’s wrath. 

Nikolai seemed to have noticed her uneasiness since his gaze found hers again. “We’ll make it,” he said quietly. There was genuine hope in his eyes. “We’ll make him pay for everything.” 

She glanced at him, playing with the map in her hands. “Well, if we don’t at least we gave it our all.” 

The king huffed. “Are you always so optimistic, Nazyalensky, or only when it comes to plans drafted by me?” 

“Don’t feel too special,” Zoya replied, rolling her eyes as she dropped the map. She still felt too intimate with Nikolai leaned so close, the heat of his body radiating towards her. She cleared her throat. “How’s your engagement coming along?” A question that definitely made sure any tension might leave the air at once. 

Nikolai sighed, turning away ever so slightly. As if the atmosphere had suddenly changed. “I haven’t asked,” he admitted. “I didn’t know how.” 

With his charm, Zoya was surprised by the admission. “Scared she might choose the tracker over you?” she commented, clicking her nails against the table. It had meant to be teasing but she regretted the words instantly as she saw the king’s expression.  _ Did he really have feelings for Alina?  _

“Whatever marriage I end up in, I always knew it would be political,” Nikolai eventually replied, his eyes still resting on Zoya. “But Alina is my friend. So perhaps we could eventually make it work.”   
  
_ If she weren’t hopelessly in love with Mal Oretsev.  _ Zoya sighed. “I tried my luck with the tracker for weeks,” she remarked. “And no one  _ ever  _ says no to me.” Nikolai looked fairly amused. “But I couldn’t break them up.” She gave him a long look. “I wouldn’t count on a change of mind from her now.” Not even if it was about a crown. Or a country. 

Nikolai was silent for a moment. “Shouldn’t you be hoping for her to say yes?” he asked after a few seconds had passed. “If she accepts you get your army.” 

Zoya shrugged. “I’m getting my army anyway.” Besides, somehow, the last thing she wanted was for the king to get married right now. 

He raised a brow in response. 

“I definitely have more charm than Alina Starkov,” she added, a smirk on her lips. “I’ll get that army one way or another.” 

Nikolai was just going to reply when suddenly a knock on the door interrupted them, and Genya appeared in the doorframe. 

Nikolai watched Zoya shift nervously as soon as she noticed the tailor, slipping towards the edge of her chair as if she was suddenly aware of how close they were sitting. 

Genya’s gaze swept over them for a moment, before she smiled in slight confusion. “May I speak to you for a moment, your Highness?”   
  
Zoya was already getting up, reaching for one of the maps. “I’ll figure something out,” she told Nikolai, giving him one last look and then turned away. He watched her leave, surprised by how much he had grown used to her company in such a short while. 

_ He is welcome to join me in here,  _ she had told the servant who had meant to deliver Nikolai’s message and the boy had come back confused and stuttering. And Nikolai had not minded one bit. He had come to find Zoya’s sharp edges rather enjoying. 

Genya stepped closer now, arms crossed in front of her chest. She had also watched Zoya leave with great interest. “David and I looked into some plans,” she said eventually, handing the file she had brought along to Nikolai. “He is positive that he can create something which can get us through the fold.” There was more she meant to say, but she didn’t have Zoya’s ignorance for authority, apparently. 

“You can be open with me, Genya,” Nikolai remarked, leaning back in his chair and folding his hands in his lap. “If there is something you have to say.” 

The tailor hesitated for another moment. “I thought you planned to propose to Alina,” she said eventually. “And now you’re sharing battleplans with… Zoya.” She bit her lip. 

Nikolai knew the stories told about Zoya, the way men whispered when she walked by, the way they created gossip around her. Despite his better judgment, he had come to enjoy her company. She didn’t back down. Not even for a king. “I still plan to propose,” he replied, although he was not too convinced of that strategy anymore. His path seemed lost to him. Alina didn’t want a marriage. She wanted Mal Oretsev.   
  
And whenever Nikolai thought about possibly marrying  _ anyone,  _ a very different face came to mind.  


Genya crooked her head to the side, the lamplight catching the crescent of her cheekbone. The scars on her face. “Are you really?” she asked, almost smiling. “I didn’t think Zoya was your type.” 

Nikolai instantly thought of what he had told Alina that one night.  _ I make it a policy never to seduce anyone prettier than me.  _ And he had meant it. Originally. “I wouldn’t say I have a type,” he replied. “Besides, there is absolutely nothing going on here.” Except for the few times, he had slipped a little too close or stared a little too long. Except for the few times where the world had stopped spinning around them because he had gotten lost in Zoya’s eyes. 

The tailor raised a brow. “Then why do you two sit around in the library in the middle of the night?” 

Good question. He wasn’t quite sure why he had called for Zoya tonight, why he had craved her company. But he had noticed her gaze on the maps earlier, the way her mind seemed to have immediately constructed a plan. She was a natural commander, apparently. And her suggestion about their approach in the fold had been genius. And he had grown quite fond of her sharpness. “I like her,” he said eventually. 

Genya huffed. “You  _ like  _ Zoya? Are you sure?” 

Nikolai chuckled, getting up from his chair. “Stranger things have happened.” He gave Genya a questioning glance. “Anything else?” He was beginning to feel rather tired. Being king was starting to become tiring. 

Genya quickly bowed her head, shaking her auburn curls. “I didn’t mean to pry,” she replied with a smile, before turning towards the door. She hesitated for one more second. “Just try not to hurt either of them.” 

Nikolai stilled, watching the tailor leave without another word. He thought of Zoya’s expression when she had stared at the spot on the map where Kribirsk had been, of the way she had frozen in place. Like she had forgotten how to look away. He had wanted to comfort her. He had wanted to… 

The door fell shut behind Genya and he was alone in the library, the candle casting shadows onto the high walls. A marriage to Alina was the only way to unite the country. He needed the Sun Summoner by his side. Nikolai sighed, turning away from the still open books on the door, from the spot where Zoya had just sat. 

There was a war at their doorstep. He didn’t have time to question everything right now. 


	3. Chapter 3

Zoya opened the door to her room, half feeling like she was going to collapse on the spot. Her body was drained from using her powers all day, from the constant energy she had used to push herself further. 

And it still wasn’t enough. They were never going to win against the Darkling. 

Afterwards, she had sparred with the twins for another two hours. For too long she had relied solely on her ability to summon as a defense. But no more. She could be deadly even without her powers now. 

The door had just fallen shut behind her when she noticed someone leaning against the window sill, just across from her. She raised a brow. “Isn’t it considered rude to just intrude?” 

Nikolai flashed a grin, offering her a half-hearted shrug. “I am the king, this is my palace, so technically I can go into any room I want.” His eyes swept over her once. “Hard at work?” 

Zoya rolled her eyes. “What do you want? Except for annoying me?” She wasn’t in the mood to play games today, least of all with the king. 

His eyes flashed at the comment. “There’s something I wanted to talk to you about.” 

She sat down on the edge of her bed, watching him expectantly. Her mind immediately turned traitor.  _ Had he proposed to Alina yet? Had she rejected him?  _ Zoya had seen her with Mal just down the hall, whispering quietly, laughing at something he had said. She had not looked freshly engaged. The uncertainty was annoying her more than she might have dared to admit out loud. “Go on, then,” she replied, making her voice extra sharp. “I would very much like to take a bath.” She had half a mind to tell him to just join her and discuss whatever business then. 

Nikolai skipped over the implication entirely. “Tamar’s spies told me that the Darkling is gathering troops near the border of the fold. Only half his army, but enough to make a difference.” 

Zoya raised a brow. “Do you trust those spies?” 

“Do I have a reason not to?” 

_ Always, when it concerned the Darkling.  _ Zoya played with a strand of hair. “He isn’t stupid enough to march right under your nose. It’s a trick, most likely.” A diversion. To lead them away from the real target. 

Nikolai’s gaze was considering. “What if it isn’t? We could send a small force there right now, hope for a surprise attack and improve our chances of winning.”

Too easy. It was all too easy. Zoya shook her head. “What does your commander say to all of this?” she wanted to know. “Does the Sun Summoner want her army to march?” 

The king didn’t answer. 

_ Oh.  _ Zoya shifted. “You haven’t told her,” she read from his expression. 

Nikolai sighed. “I haven’t,” he confirmed. “I haven’t spoken to her in a while.” 

Now that was even more surprising to hear. Last thing she knew he had been pining after her like a lost dog. Zoya frowned. “Suddenly lost interest?” she commented, not able to quite hide the edge in her voice. Jealousy really was not a good look on her. 

“Alina has no mind for warfare,” he simply replied. 

Zoya snorted. Of course, she didn’t. But he had known that before he had appointed her commander. “What do you want to hear from me, your Highness?” she asked, getting to her feet. “Do you want me to make all the hard decisions your precious Alina can’t handle?” 

His eyes rested on her face for a moment. Thoughtful. “You were close to the Darkling,” he said eventually, pushing away from the window sill and striding towards her. “I thought you might provide some insight.” He stopped a few paces away. 

Zoya had tensed at the mention of the Darkling, against her will. “As I said, it looks like a trap. Send your soldiers there and they won’t come back.” Because there was no winning against the Darkling. Not like this. 

Nikolai’s lips curled up in a smirk. “Good. It’s decided, then.” 

The answer took her by surprise. “Just like that?” 

He shrugged. “Unless you have any more secrets to share?” 

_ Why had he come here only to ask her this?  _ Why not call her to the War Room? Zoya glanced at the king carefully, attempting to read his expression. He was still watching her with attentive eyes, following her every movement. It was maddening, really. 

For a moment she couldn’t manage to look away. His eyes were drawing her in, so clear that she could almost see herself mirrored inside. Perhaps she was losing her mind. 

And then, Nikolai did something she had not anticipated. He stepped forward, his fingers brushing along her cheek for the briefest of moments, and kissed her. 

Zoya responded instinctively, her lips opening under his, her hands moving along his neck. For a second she forgot who was in front of her. She forgot everything around them. Nikolai shifted closer, his hands now wrapping around her waist, drawing her in. His fingers traced the lines of her spine, leaving an array of shivers building up across her skin. 

And then she remembered. 

Remembered who Nikolai would soon be engaged too. 

She backed away instantly, the empty ghost of his kisses still haunting. For a moment Zoya wasn’t able to breathe. Or move at all, for that matter. She simply stared up at him, totally still. 

Nikolai released a careful breath, his chest falling slowly. He was waiting for her to react, apparently. 

But Zoya knew why these things happened. Men forgot themselves around her. She was well used to it. But she surely would not act replacement for Alina Starkov. “I believe you were on your way to go, weren’t you?” she finally managed to say, making her voice as sharp as possible. She added an impatient glance on top. 

Nikolai blinked in surprise, a shadow passing over his face. “Zoya-” he began, but she cut him off. 

She didn’t want to hear anything he had to say. “I won’t be here to fix your broken pride because the Sun Summoner rejected you.” This time she meant it. “I won’t play your nightly entertainment just because she chose the tracker over a crown.” 

The words had meant to hurt, and yet she felt guilty when she saw the pained expression on Nikolai’s face, the way he turned his face away to hide it.  _ You’re a fool, Zoya.  _ Perhaps she truly was. 

Nikolai left without another word, the door loudly falling shut behind him. Zoya took a deep breath, her lungs not seeming to take in any air. 

He had  _ kissed  _ her. The king of Ravka. She closed her eyes for a moment. She never should have agreed to any of this. She never should have offered him anything, let him anywhere close to her. Very slowly, she sank down on her bed again, her fingertips tracing the lines of her lips. Because toying with a king’s attention was one thing, but actually catching it a very different one. 

Zoya was silent at breakfast the next morning. She sat next to Genya, listening to her mindless chatter about clothes and jewelry and which color combination would look best with her hair in case the king allowed her to design her own  _ keftas.  _

She was watching Alina Starkov sitting down next to the king, leaning across the table to whisper something. The tracker was nowhere to be seen. Nikolai smiled at something Alina said, and Zoya felt something inside her tense.  _ Why did she care?  _

“Zoya,” Genya interrupted her thoughts, waving a hand in front of her face. 

Zoya’s gaze flickered towards her. “What?” 

The tailor raised a brow. “You haven’t made a single dismissive or annoyed comment today, are you okay?” 

Zoya had no interest in discussing any of this matter with Genya, so she only rolled her eyes. She didn’t even have an insult to add. Alina was giggling at the end of the table now, her hand resting on Nikolai’s arm. 

Genya followed her eyes, understanding at last entering her eyes. “Oh,” she noted. “ _ That’s  _ what soured your mood so much.” 

“Shut up,” Zoya muttered, pushing her chair back and getting up. She didn’t need to watch this any longer. 

The king’s eyes flickered towards her for just a moment but she refused to look at him, instead fleeing the room. The storm was grazing her skin now, so close to slipping its leash. 

Mal Oretsev was standing in the hallway outside, leaned against the wall and looking just like Zoya was feeling. He looked up when she stormed into the corridor. “Is there a problem?” 

She ignored him, walking past him with no more than an annoyed glance. 

“Friendly as usual,” he called after her, but she couldn’t care less. 

Her anger had mostly cooled off as she stepped outside of the palace, walking towards the big lake which incorporated the training grounds. She raised her hands, the shadow of a storm rising around her. The breeze cupped her skin, making the surface of the water ripple slightly. 

Zoya was not sure how long she stood like this, only that suddenly someone else joined her. She was alarmingly aware of the king’s presence, even before he stepped beside her. 

“Do you want me to apologize about yesterday?” he asked quietly as Zoya dropped her hands, the air falling silent. 

_ No,  _ she thought.  _ I want you to stop flirting with Alina Starkov.  _ She didn’t say any of it. Instead, she shrugged. “I don’t care what you do.” A badly concealed lie. 

Nikolai sighed heavily. “Then you won’t care that I changed my plan. I won’t propose to Alina.” For a moment no one spoke. 

Zoya stopped breathing. She glanced at his face at last. “What?” 

She could have sworn to see some satisfaction in his eyes. “We had a talk, her and I. Our alliance will be one without marriage.” 

Zoya hesitated. “Why the sudden change of mind?” She hated herself for wanting to know. And even more for actually asking. 

A smile tugged at Nikolai’s lips. “It wouldn’t have worked out between us.” 

They had still looked very amorous at breakfast just now. Zoya turned away again, crossing her arms in an attempt to look unbothered. “Good for you.” 

He reached for her then, turning her body so she was forced to look at him. “I’m sorry about last night. Is that what you want to hear?” His eyes were searching her face. 

_ No.  _ She couldn’t breathe. He was standing much too close. Alina had rejected him. Or had she? They had looked harmonious at the table. She hated her mind for even considering these things.

His fingers curled around her wrist. “I didn’t mean to upset you. If you didn’t want me to kiss you, then I apologize.” 

Zoya had a hard time keeping herself together. He was standing too close, his thumb circling across the skin of her wrist. She could feel herself shivering. She had wanted him to kiss her. Which was probably the worst part of it all. 

Very suddenly, she pulled away. “Can you leave me alone then?” she asked, turning away to hide her face. 

The king hesitated. “What you said about being a replacement for Alina-” 

Zoya interrupted. She didn’t want to hear this. “I don’t care for your feelings for the Sun Summoner,” she hissed, turning around on her heels. But the little break in her voice betrayed her. “Just keep your messy love life away from me.” 

Nikolai had fallen silent. “Alina is my friend,” he said at last. “Nothing more.” 

“I don’t care,” Zoya shot back. 

His eyes never left hers. “Then why are you upset with me?” 

_ Because I don’t believe you _ . She only shook her head. “Because you won’t leave me alone.” 

Nikolai sighed, taking a step in her direction, but stilled as she backed away. “Why won’t you let me understand you, Zoya?” 

Something about the way he said it made her freeze, something about the way her name sat on his lips. She took a deep breath, and this time when he stepped closer she didn’t move. “You were supposed to be engaged,” she said very quietly, feeling Nikolai’s hands brushing over her back. 

“But I’m not,” he whispered, stopping right in front of her as if to make sure she wasn’t going to run. His lips were almost close enough to touch if only she had leaned forward and dared to make a move. He cupped her cheek for a moment, the barest touch of skin against skin. 

Zoya felt like falling. She felt like falling and never getting back up. Because this, the intensity of this, scared her. More than any army which might be waiting for them. “Someone will see,” she muttered, trying to give herself an excuse to back away, to run, but not a single cell in her body dared to move. She was perfectly frozen in place. 

Nikolai shook his head. “I don’t care.” And then he was kissing her, and the world was disappearing. 

Zoya’s fingers found his body instantly, her hands running across his chest, around his neck, pushing closer. Every inch of space left between them was too much. His lips moved against hers more urgently, fingers tracing the lines of her jaw. 

If yesterday’s kiss had been soft this was pure hunger, being starved for each other and finally getting release. Zoya’s nails dug into the skin of his neck as Nikolai’s teeth nipped at her bottom lip, a sharp gasp escaping her as she realized that she really did not ever wish to stop. This was exactly what she had wanted. 

Nikolai eventually broke free, taking a shaky breath. She was close enough to hear his heart racing in his chest. “Still upset with me?” he asked quietly, the promise of a smile tugging at his lips. He still hadn’t let go of her. 

Zoya looked up at him for a moment, not quite ready for the moment to end just yet. “Working on it,” she managed to get out, a lot more breathless than she would have liked to be. This hadn’t felt like kissing Mal Oretsev, or any guy for that matter.  _ This  _ hadn’t felt meaningless. 

Nikolai chuckled, brushing a loose strand of hair away from her face. “Good.” 

Zoya pulled away then, turning away for a moment to gather her composure. This was not how she had planned for the conversation to go. Not at all, actually. And this was also not how far she had planned to go. 

“I need to go,” she said eventually, not daring to look at the king anymore. “I have squallers to train.” 

Nikolai’s eyes searched her face for a moment as if to determine whether she was making up an excuse or not. “Are you running away from me again?” he asked carefully. 

Zoya huffed. “You are too used to girls swooning wherever you go, Your Highness.” 

He let out a small laugh. “Maybe I am,” he admitted. “Although there’s only one girl who I’m trying to impress right now.” 

The look in his eyes was enough to make her shiver again. “Perhaps she doesn’t return your affections,” Zoya replied, lifting her chin when she looked at him. 

Nikolai smiled then, the sort of arrogant smile that most probably turned a lot of girls’ heads. “I’m quite positive that she does.” 

His eyes gleamed one last time before he turned away and left her standing there, wondering how in the Saints’ name she had ended up playing this sort of game with the King of Ravka, of all people. 


	4. Chapter 4

Zoya spent the next few days hiding, on the training grounds, in her room, making sure that wherever she went she was never alone. She didn’t want to face Nikolai just yet. 

He was casting her glances at breakfast, obvious enough for Genya to notice. She never asked, but her expression was enough to tell Zoya that she suspected something. Which made things even worse. 

It took Nikolai five days to lose his patience. 

Zoya sighed when the servant knocked on her door, requesting her to join the king in the war room. She took her time answering, letting a good few minutes pass before she left her rooms. She didn’t want him to think that she had been waiting for him to make a move.  _ Because she hadn’t _ . Or so she liked to tell herself. 

Zoya entered without knocking, finding Nikolai seated at the table. His gaze locked with hers and for a moment she was thrown off balance.  _ Why did he have this effect on her?  _ She had to force herself to look away. 

“I wasn’t sure you would come,” he greeted, leaning back in his chair. 

Zoya’s eyes skimmed over the plans in front of him. “I wasn’t aware I had a choice to deny a king’s request.” 

He raised a brow. “I didn’t think my company was  _ that  _ terrible.” 

“Do you want me to answer?” Her tone was teasing, but she refused to look at his face. 

Nikolai huffed, getting to his feet and walking around the table towards her. “Was ignoring me your way of getting back at me?” 

Zoya leaned against the table, dangerously aware of the fact that she didn’t have anywhere to escape to. “Maybe,” she replied, making the mistake of looking into his eyes. Her defense melted away. 

Nikolai looked rather pleased with himself, trapping her against the table with his arms on either side. “I thought you might be glad that I called off the engagement.” 

She took a shaky breath, ignoring the closeness of his body, the way his breathing was grazing the top of her cheekbone. “Rather confident to assume that I care, your Highness.” 

Nikolai lowered his lips, briefly brushing along the shell of her ear. The movement sent a shiver across her spine. “If you don’t care, why bother coming?” 

Zoya didn’t dare to move. She was too aware of her racing heartbeat. All of  _ this _ was new to her. She didn’t desire. She was not the one whose heart skipped a beat at every touch, who lost sleep over things like this. She did the seducing. 

But apparently this time it was all backwards. 

“If I kiss you again,” Nikolai breathed against her ear. “are you going to run from me again?” 

The world was spinning. Zoya willed herself to keep breathing. “Only one way to find out,” she muttered before she could stop herself. 

A smirk spread across his face and then his hands were in her hair, and he finally bridged the gap between them and kissed her. 

Zoya opened her lips under his, fingers running over his back, feeling the lines of his muscles moving as he pushed her onto the table. 

She couldn’t stop herself from wrapping her legs around his torso, pulling him closer. Zoya felt Nikolai grin into the kiss as he noticed her eagerness, moving to place featherlight kisses against her jaw. The moment began and ended with his lips against her skin. 

Zoya pressed her lips together to keep herself from making a sound, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of knowing how much he was affecting her just yet. 

Nikolai’s kisses went lower as he nipped at the skin of her neck, and she could only pray that he wasn’t leaving any marks. Her fingers curled up in his hair, brushing through the golden curls. She wanted more, more of him, more of everything. She was almost tempted to allow it to go further, to rip off his shirt right in this room and damn the consequences. 

But she didn’t. 

Instead, Zoya pulled away, Nikolai instantly sensing the shift and backing away. His eyes met hers, questioning. Asking whether he had gone too far. 

She only stared at him for a moment, taking in the lines of his face, the brightness of his eyes. In his arms, it was too easy to forget who he was. The title he carried. “We can’t do this,” she got out eventually. “I won’t be the evil Grisha seductress who played with the king’s heart.” She had been that role too many times before. 

Nikolai frowned ever so slightly. “That’s not what this is.” He meant it. 

“But that is how it will look to everyone else.” 

His gaze turned challenging. “I didn’t think you cared about anyone else’s opinion of you.” 

Zoya shook her head. “I don’t. But I won’t be your sideline entertainment while you find and marry a queen.” She couldn’t bear to watch that. 

Nikolai’s gaze dropped for a moment, his fingers mindlessly brushing against hers. “That’s not how it has to be,” he said quietly. 

Now that was an outright lie. Zoya sighed, slipping away from his touch and getting back to her feet. “If you find a solution let me know,” she muttered, her voice sounding a lot less unbothered than she had hoped. She hadn’t expected walking away to be this hard. 

And yet she still did it, without turning back around, because she feared if she did she might change her mind.

When the door fell shut behind her and she slipped back into her room, she already felt the unwelcome sensation of tears in her eyes. She hadn’t even meant to care. She had meant to walk away and not look back. Because she was refusing to chase after someone who was destined to be with someone else. 

And yet - she couldn’t rid herself of the ghost of Nikolai’s touch. Even after a thirty-minute shower she still felt him everywhere, could swear his scent lingered on her skin. She couldn’t forget. Couldn’t stop herself from thinking about him. And, worst of all - she couldn’t rid herself of the bruises he had left on her skin. 

It took her fifteen minutes of debating before she eventually wrapped herself up in a coat and left her room, wondering whether she had truly lost her mind as she knocked on Genya’s door. 

Her head peeked out almost immediately, brows rising in surprise as she noticed Zoya. “Are you sleepwalking?” 

Zoya rolled her eyes. “Are you alone?” 

The tailor crossed her arms. “Yes, why?” 

“Can I come in?” 

Something about her expression seemed to have moved Genya because she shrugged and opened the door to let her inside. Zoya followed, her eyes quickly scanning the room. David was not here. Probably still in his workshop. She stopped in the middle of the room, uncertainty creeping over her skin.  _ What was she doing?  _

Genya was eyeing her suspiciously. “What can I do for you?” 

Zoya pressed her lips together, at last shrugging off her coat. She fluffed her hair over her shoulders, revealing the skin of her neck. “Can you do something about these?” 

Genya looked like she wasn’t sure whether to laugh or not. “Since when do you care when people know about you sleeping around?” 

Zoya rolled her eyes. “Fine, I’m leaving.” She half expected Genya to just let her go, but she quickly held her back. 

“I’m sorry,” she offered uncharacteristically. “Sit down.” 

Zoya sank down on the edge of the bed, fingers nervously playing with the sleeves of her dressing gown. Genya brushed her hair away, examining the bruises on Zoya’s skin. Then she reached for her tailoring kit. “Someone did quite the job,” she commented, her cool hands beginning to move. She hesitated. “Was it Mal? Is that why you’re trying to hide it?”

Zoya tensed. “No,” she muttered a reply. Those days were definitely over. 

For a moment neither of them said a word. Genya was avoiding Zoya’s eyes, instead focusing on pressing her fingers against her neck. “So,” she said eventually. “It’s the king then.” 

Zoya’s eyes flickered towards the tailor once. A silent confirmation. 

Genya’s response was a sigh. “That’s a rather messy situation.” 

“It won’t happen again.” She sounded more confident than she felt. “Besides, it wasn’t much at all.” She hadn’t lost herself  _ that  _ much. 

Surprisingly, a smirk tugged at Genya’s scarred lips at those words. “Right,” she replied, dropping her hands at last. “Done.” She looked rather pleased with herself. “I really am brilliant.” 

Zoya snorted, getting back to her feet. “Do you want me to answer?” 

Genya raised a brow. “Yes, if you want me to keep your secret.” She added a quick smile. “I was joking.” 

Zoya felt a sudden very surprising thankfulness for Genya. She bit her lip for a moment, hesitating before turning towards the door. “Thank you.” 

Genya blinked as if she had heard incorrectly. “Did you just  _ thank me _ ?” 

“Don’t get used to it,” Zoya muttered, opening the door. “You’re not that brilliant.” She could hear Genya laughing as the door fell shut behind her. 


	5. Chapter 5

Three weeks had passed since Zoya had picked up her work with the Etherealki, which meant that they were expected to march in a week’s time. Nikolai called a meeting in the war room, although everyone who was attending seemed more than uncomfortable.   
  
Genya kept shifting in her seat next to Zoya, gazing up at the walls as if she was expecting the Darkling to rush inside every moment. Alina Starkov was seated at the opposite end of the table, wearing a golden  _ kefta  _ and leaning over the map Nikolai had opened, saying something to her tracker in a low voice. Mal was gazing around, examining the room. Nadia and Tamar were huddled together, Adrik next to his sister. Neither of them looked very happy to be sitting in the Darkling’s chambers. 

Nikolai had taken the seat at the head of the table, but he had not spared Zoya a single glance as of yet. He was perfectly ignoring her. And it drove her crazy, more than she would have thought it might. 

Zoya kept her gaze trained on the map as well, resisting the urge to look up as Nikolai began to speak. 

“The route we will take into the fold is drawn onto the map,” he remarked, folding his hands in his lap as he peered at Alina. “We will move through the undersea, swift and undetected.” 

Mal interrupted. “Why not take a more direct route? Less chance to end as Volcra food.” 

“Higher chance to end up dead at the Darkling’s feet,” Zoya muttered, fluffing some hair back over her shoulders. 

The tracker shot her an irritated look. “What are you even doing here? You don’t believe we can win this anyway.” 

Zoya noticed Nikolai tense from the corner of her eye. But she could fight her own battles. She narrowed her eyes at Mal, shooting him a dark glance. “At least I’m not only here as the Sun Summoner’s accessory.” 

He looked ready to jump at her throat then, his eyes lighting up with so much anger that it could have been threatening. Perhaps she should have held back that comment, but her patience was worn off from her dealings with Nikolai and she was in such a bad mood that she really just didn’t care. 

Instead, she gave Mal her sweetest smile, watching him glare at her. 

Alina was looking miserable, resting a hand on Mal’s arm while glancing at Zoya judgingly. 

“I’m getting out of here,” Mal muttered, drawing away from Alina’s touch and getting to his feet. “I’d rather fight the volcras than be in the same room as you.”    
Perhaps she deserved that. Zoya just gave him an unimpressed look, lifting one shoulder in a half-shrug. Mal looked ready to throw himself at her. 

“Oretsev,” Nikolai’s voice cut in, surprisingly cold as ice. “Sit down and be silent or leave.” 

Zoya allowed himself to glance at the king just once. Was he really  _ defending  _ her right now? 

Alina looked equally confused for a moment, her gaze sliding to Mal. “Come on, sit down-” she began, but he had already turned around and slammed the door. “Thank you,” she muttered in Zoya’s direction, her expression miserable enough that she might as well break out in tears at any moment. 

Zoya rolled her eyes in response. 

Nikolai shot her a warning look. “Can we get back to the topic, please? You can discuss your love triangle after the meeting.” 

She was surprised at how… jealous he sounded. Zoya frowned at the king, crossing her arms. “I wasn’t the one who started,” she remarked - which wasn’t exactly true - but she was getting defensive all of a sudden. 

Nikolai ignored the comment, not even sparing her another look before he turned to Tamar and Tolya and began to discuss battle strategies. Zoya leaned back in her chair, feeling Genya gazing at her sideways. She pretended not to notice, waiting through the rest of the talking in silence. 

The dreadful meeting eventually came to an end, and Zoya hurried to get to her feet to get out of there. She had no intent to speak to Alina about the incident, and so all she really wanted was to disappear. 

And yet, she somehow was not surprised when Nikolai held her back, requesting her to wait another couple of minutes so they could go over some additional info. Which was a lie, of course. 

Genya raised a brow in Zoya’s direction at the words, but never said anything, just slipped out of the room behind David. 

Zoya sighed as the door fell shut, turning around to face Nikolai at last. “What is it you so urgently need to discuss?” She was so tired. Pretending was harder than she had assumed. 

Nikolai let out a frustrated breath, running a hand through his perfectly neat golden hair. “Is there something going on? Between you and Mal Oretsev?”

The question took her quite off guard. “ _ What?”  _

Nikolai shot her a dark look. “Is there something going on or not?” 

She blinked in confusion. “No.” 

“So he’s not the reason you broke it off between us?” 

_ Oh.  _ Zoya sank back against the table, exhaling sharply. “No,” she repeated. She wasn’t prepared for the relief which flooded Nikolai’s face, or the way his eyes suddenly seemed three shades lighter. She hadn’t thought he cared so much. 

He slipped closer now, his hands brushing along her neckline as he rested his lips against her hair. “Fine,” was all he said, and for a moment they only stood there, Zoya leaning her head against his chest, her eyes fluttering shut. Perhaps this was the true peace she had always missed. 

But eventually, the moment passed, as every other one did, and she broke free, shifting away from his touch. “We can’t,” she said quietly, reminding herself more than him. 

Nikolai sighed. “I wish you wouldn’t keep saying that.” He let go of her only reluctantly. 

She wished she didn't have to. “I should go-” she began, but Nikolai had reached for her hand, holding her back. 

“I can’t go on like this.” 

Zoya stopped, against her better judgment. She didn’t object when he drew her closer, his hands encircling her waist 

“Tell me what I can do,” Nikolai whispered, his eyes pleading. He took a shaky breath. “I can’t stay away.” 

Zoya felt her heart missing a beat as she stared up at him, wondering if she could ever work up the strength to truly deny him. To truly say no. She wasn’t so sure anymore. Already now she felt herself leaning into his touch, craving the brush of his skin against hers. She hadn’t expected that he would make this so hard for her. That he cared this much. 

His hand came up to cup her cheek for a moment. “I can’t see you every day and stay away,” he said quietly, breathing the words against her skin as he leaned his forehead against Zoya’s. “I’m too used to getting what I want.” His hands tightened around her waist, pulling her closer. His head dropped, lips softly pressing against the spot where her jaw joined her neck. “I want you _ , _ ” he breathed, sending an array of shivers across her back. His kisses went along her jawline. “All of you.” A kiss against the shell of her ear. 

Zoya felt her eyes fluttering shut, her fingers curling up in the fabric of his shirt. She couldn’t move. She was yielding to his every touch. 

And yet, she wasn’t able to shut her thoughts out. Her doubts. She felt his lips moving back to her neck, suddenly remembering the last time he had kissed her like this. “Nikolai,” she muttered, surprised at how unsteady her voice sounded. 

He sighed against her skin. “What can I do?” he murmured. 

A thought slipped her mind then, her head turning traitor once more.  _ And I would make a magnificent queen.  _ But Ravka had never had a Grisha queen. And they never would have one. She pulled away slowly, feeling Nikolai’s heavy gaze on her. “Nothing,” was all she had to say, all she could offer him. 

She didn’t dare to meet his eyes as she fled the room, barely making it to her own chambers before she sank down on the floor and exploded in sobs. 

Zoya hid in her room for the rest of the day. She took a long bath, hoping that the hot water would burn the traces of Nikolai’s fingers away, then tried to catch up on some sleep, then got up and picked up a book. Nothing helped. Nothing calmed her racing thoughts. She couldn’t forget what he had said. The way he had looked at her.  _ What can I do?  _ And yet there was nothing. No solution to this mess they had made. 

It was already dark outside when a knock on her door made Zoya look up from the pages of the history book she had been reading, putting it aside and getting to her feet. She expected another servant, delivering new orders for her regarding her training or even another summoning from Nikolai, but she had not been prepared for Nikolai to stand at her doorstep himself. 

For a moment she didn’t move, only stared at him in confusion. “I meant what I said earlier-” she began, but he had already pushed past her and entered the room. 

“Close the door.” 

Zoya raised a brow. “I’m not taking orders from you.” Only out of spite, she left the door open. 

Nikolai released a frustrated growl, shooting her a dark look and moving to close the door himself. “You’re driving me crazy, Nazyalensky.” It sounded surprisingly like a compliment. 

Zoya gave a half shrug, crossing her arms as she glared at him. “What do you want?” This time, she would not falter. This time he would not get close enough to confuse her. 

But the king didn’t approach her. He only studied her for a moment, his gaze sweeping over her, drinking her in. Like he was making sure to remember her exactly the way she just was. 

Zoya felt her impatience growing, shifting from one foot onto the other. “Nikolai,” she remarked as if to bring him back to reality. “What do you want?” 

He sighed, running a hand through his hair and stepping one step closer. “I’m trying to gather the courage to say it.” A surprising thing to hear, considering his usual arrogance. 

Somehow, it made Zoya nervous. It couldn’t mean anything good. “I would hurry up before I decide to kick you out of my room.” 

Nikolai only chuckled, and then he was suddenly close enough to take her hands. “You might want to listen to me first,” he remarked, the edges of his lips curling up in a smirk. And then he said the words which were going to change everything. “ _ Will you marry me?”  _

Zoya’s world stilled. For a second she was sure she must have lost her mind. A weak “What?” was all she managed to get out, her head spinning. He couldn’t be serious. 

But there was no deceit in Nikolai’s eyes. Not even humor. “You were right when you said that I needed a queen,” he went on, brushing a strand of hair away from her face. “And yet, I can’t quite find myself to stop thinking about you.” His gaze on her intensified. “If I’m wrong about this, then kick me out of here now. But there is something between us. And I know you feel it, too.” His fingers lingered on her neck, brushing along the lines of her jaw. Zoya couldn’t help but shiver under the brief touch. It was enough to give herself away to Nikolai. There was a quick flash of satisfaction in his eyes. “I’m offering you a crown. A crown, a kingdom, and-” He smirked. “my heart on top.” 

For a moment she felt like she was going to faint. Her mind had not yet caught up with the words.  _ A crown. A kingdom.  _ Zoya had never understood how Alina could have denied them, how she could have hesitated. And yet here she stood, suddenly feeling the responsibility on her shoulders.  _ And my heart on top.  _ She wasn’t ready. Not for a marriage. Not for any of this. 

And yet Nikolai’s arms were around her and his breathing caressed her face and she couldn’t quite bring herself to say no either. “Your people won’t like this,” Zoya said quietly. She was going to be called worse names than before.  _ The Grisha who seduced the king into giving her a crown.  _ Nikolai’s reign would not survive this without a stain. 

And yet his lips dropped to her forehead, resting there for a moment. “Why wouldn’t they?” he said quietly. “You’re strong and smart and have proven yourself a capable commander. You’re powerful.” His arms encircled waist, drawing her in. “Exceptionally beautiful.” 

Zoya huffed. “Perfect time to start with the compliments.” 

“I would have assumed the prospect of being queen would be enough to convince you,” he remarked, lifting her chin softly. “Why are you hesitating?”   
  
_ Because she had walked down an aisle before.  _ Because she remembered the chapel in Pachina. “I am not quite fond of weddings,” she replied. And because she didn’t quite know if she could ever make Nikolai happy. 

His lips curled up in a smile. “Would a coronation ceremony be more up to your standards, Nazyalensky?” 

She closed her eyes for a moment, allowing her head to rest against his chest. This was a beautiful illusion. He wasn’t being serious. He couldn’t be. “Are you playing with me?” she asked quietly, hating the fact that she was even asking. That she even cared so much. “Are you going to lure me into your bed on the promise of marriage and then change your mind in the morning?” 

Nikolai tensed, and she could feel him resting his chin on top of her head. “No,” he replied, leaving a kiss in her hair. “I meant every word I just said. And I’m not saying it because I want you in my bed.” He ran a hand down her spine. “Although I wouldn’t object.” 

She couldn’t help but let out a small laugh then, lifting her head to gaze up at him. “Careful, your Highness. I can bite.” 

His eyes lit up. “I do hope so.” 

Zoya huffed, letting her fingers run along the neckline of his shirt. She was tempted. Tempted like never before. “How are you going to explain any of this to Alina Starkov?” 

Nikolai shook his head, leaning in closer. His lips were almost brushing hers. “I don’t care.” 

Zoya felt her heart skipping a beat. Her gaze slipped down to his lips, giving herself away. “Fine,” she got out, feeling herself trembling with anticipation. “I accept.” 

She wasn’t prepared for what came next. She wasn’t prepared to be kissed like this, as Nikolai’s lips melted against hers, devouring her, filling up everything inside her. There was nothing else in the world.   
  
Neither of them was holding back anymore. The time for pretending was done. 

Zoya pulled the shirt off Nikolai’s body, feeling his hot skin under her fingertips as she wrapped her arms around his neck. He picked her up into his arms without ever letting go of her, sealing the promise of a crown onto her lips with his. 

She only barely noticed falling onto the mattress, Nikolai immediately pinning her body down with his. He undressed her painfully slowly, exploring every newly bared inch of skin with his lips, nipping and biting his way across her shoulders, down to her chest. 

Zoya’s fingers fastened in his hair as he kissed down her stomach, a small moan escaping her as she felt herself trembling. Nikolai stilled for a moment, his breathing caressing her skin as he moved up again, pressing another heated kiss to her lips. “We waited too long with this,” he muttered in between kisses, softly biting down at her bottom lip. 

Zoya dropped her head back against the pillows, catching her breath. “Isn’t anticipation part of the fun?”

Nikolai’s grin turned darker. “Perhaps,” he replied, as his head disappeared between her legs.


	6. Chapter 6

It was a truly odd sensation, waking up next to the king of Ravka in her bed. Zoya opened her eyes slowly, feeling every inch of her skin alight with warmth where Nikolai’s arms were wrapped around her. She felt positively exhausted, the last night clearly having taken a toll on her, and yet… she couldn’t find the will to mind. 

Nikolai shifted, placing a kiss against her naked shoulder blade as he opened his eyes. “I can basically hear you thinking,” he commented. 

Zoya rolled onto her stomach, resting her head on his chest. The morning sunlight was reflecting in Nikolai’s hazel eyes, making them glow like gemstones. For a moment she could only stare. 

“I suppose I need to get the Lantsov emerald back from Alina,” he said suddenly, pressing a kiss to her temple. “I have use for it now.” 

She traced the lines of his chest for a moment. “I don’t want the Lantsov emerald,” she said quietly, and no one was more surprised than Zoya herself. “Alina can keep it.” 

Nikolai ran a hand through her hair, the touch light as feathers. “I’ll get you a ring. Perhaps something blue, to bring out your eyes.” 

“Are we going to make it official?” Zoya asked, perhaps only to give herself more time to adjust to this new idea. 

For some reason, she had a feeling that he could sense her hesitation. “We can wait,” he replied, his fingers having moved to caress her back. The scars which stretched there. Nikolai hadn’t asked, not even when his lips had trailed kisses along the faint lines last night. Zoya wasn’t sure if she would be ready to tell the truth if he should choose to ask now. 

But he didn’t. “We do need to let Alina and the others know. But apart from them, we can keep it to us for as long as you like.” Amusement gleamed in his eyes. “I was thinking you might enjoy being crowned queen sooner rather than later.” 

“Well, let’s make sure we still have a kingdom to rule over,” Zoya remarked, moving into a sitting position. They still had a war to win after all. It was too easy to forget with Nikolai’s hands all over her. 

Just then, a knock on the door interrupted them. Zoya’s gaze immediately slipped to Nikolai, who was after all undressed, in her bed. Not the perfect time for a visitor. “What is it?” she asked, summoning her best unbothered tone of voice, hoping that it was just Genya and she could send her away. 

But she didn’t get this lucky. “Zoya?” Alina demanded from the other side of the door. “Can I speak to you?” 

Zoya let out a sigh, rolling her eyes. “Not right now.” Alina’s theatrics were the last thing she needed, this early in the morning. 

“It’s urgent,” Alina pressed. 

Saints, she really was a pain. Zoya glanced at Nikolai for a brief second. “I’m not dressed,” she tried, hoping that it might make the Sun Summoner leave at last. Sadly, it seemed to encourage her. 

“Is Mal inside there with you?” Her voice had turned high-pitched. 

For a second Zoya was too confused to reply. “ _ What?”  _ But Alina had misunderstood her hesitation, because she had opened the door and was already slipping inside. “Because if he is then I will-” 

Her eyes found Nikolai, casually leaned against the pillows of Zoya’s bed, chest bare. He raised a hand in greeting, a small smirk around his lips. At least one person was enjoying this. Alina’s cheeks suddenly flushed. “Oh,” she exclaimed flatly. 

Zoya blew a hair away from her face, pulling the blanket closer around her body. “Your boyfriend isn’t here unless you want to check under the bed.” 

Alina didn’t move. She looked absolutely mortified. “I thought because I can’t find him…” she began but interrupted herself. Her eyes rested on Nikolai. “What are  _ you  _ doing here, out of all people?” 

Nikolai gave a lazy shrug. “Long story.” 

“Can you leave?” Zoya interrupted. “We were kind of in the middle of something.” And she didn’t care to discuss any of this with Alina Starkov.   
  
Behind her, Nikolai let out a low laugh at the words as Alina’s cheeks turned even pinker. “Sorry,” she muttered, pressing her lips together. “See you at the meeting later.” She fled the room, throwing the door shut behind herself. 

Zoya released an exasperated breath, feeling Nikolai’s lips brushing against her neck as he wrapped his arms around her from behind. “She’s going to tell Genya,” Zoya muttered. “And I’m never going to hear the end of this.”   
  
He chuckled, kissing her shoulder blade. “Doesn’t she already know? Or how did you get rid of those bruises on your neck?”   
  
Of course, he must have noticed. Zoya rolled her eyes in response. “I couldn’t very well just leave them there.” 

Nikolai only laughed. “I enjoy marking my territory,” he muttered against her skin. “At least until I got you a ring.” 

She didn’t object. 

Zoya arrived late to the meeting, since Nikolai had insisted to follow her into the shower and delay her for another twenty minutes, and then she had waited for him to go in first so it wouldn’t look suspicious while she had paced the corridor. 

Eventually, she slipped inside as well, silently joining the group. Mal Oretsev had apparently reappeared, now leaned over the map on the table, showing something to Alina. Genya and David were standing in the corner chatting, although Zoya did notice the smug smile on the tailor’s face as Zoya approached Nikolai, crossing her arms nervously as she stopped next to him. “Did you come up with an introduction?” she asked under her breath, low enough for no one else to hear. 

He smiled confidently, his hand briefly brushing over her arm. “Introductions are my specialty, you know,” he remarked, already clearing his throat. “I have an announcement to make.” 

Zoya huffed silently. Truly a great way to start. 

But everyone was already turning, and she saw Genya crossing her arms in suspicion, something like knowing already in her expression. 

Nikolai allowed a few more seconds to pass, probably just to be dramatic. He did love having undivided attention. “I have decided to get engaged.” 

Alina’s jaw actually dropped. Mal looked purely confused. David didn’t seem to have heard and Genya… Genya was smiling. A wicked sort of smile, the sort of smile Zoya would have smiled if she had been standing in her stead. Her single eye met Zoya’s and she briefly shook her head in disbelief.  _ You really did it,  _ she was saying. 

Her words spoken long ago echoed through Zoya’s head.  _ And I would make a magnificent queen.  _

Alina was the first to speak. “To whom?” she asked, and yet her gaze in Zoya’s direction was anything but subtle. 

Nikolai only smiled, his eyes resting on Zoya. He didn’t need to say a word to explain. His gaze said it all. Zoya felt the need to look away. 

Genya was approaching, pulling Zoya into a quick hug. “You’re crazy,” she muttered into her ear, letting go of her. “I still won’t courtesy to you.” 

Zoya fluffed her hair back. “Perhaps I’ll have you thrown in the dungeons then.” 

“You wouldn’t dare,” Genya teased, a grin on her lips. “Who would hide your bruises every morning, then?” 

Alina looked like she was going to be sick. “I really don’t want to hear this,” she muttered but managed a smile in Nikolai’s direction. “I’m happy for you.” She even sounded sincere. 

Zoya glanced at Mal, who had his lips pressed into a thin line. He was glaring at her, eyes dark. “Are you going to do anything else except stare?” she asked in his direction, folding her arms in front of her chest. 

He shook his head slowly. “I’m just wondering how you did it.” 

Zoya felt Nikolai tense beside her. She rolled her eyes at the tracker. “I don’t think that’s any of your business.” 

He snorted. “A few weeks ago, he still wanted to marry Alina for an alliance. Now he chose you, for what?” His gaze darted to Nikolai. “I didn’t think you were this shallow-” 

He didn’t get to finish the sentence. 

Nikolai had moved, too fast for anyone to react. Mal didn’t have time to fight back as the king slammed him back into the wall, hands at his throat and dangerously close. “Continue speaking,” he muttered, voice hoarse. “I dare you.” 

Zoya felt a shiver running down her spine. She had never seen Nikolai even so much as raise his voice, let alone lose his temper like this. He was always perfectly composed. And yet he had just snapped. 

Mal was breathing unevenly, eyes wide with genuine terror. 

Zoya finally moved, seeing how close Nikolai looked to actually closing off the tracker’s air supply. “Nikolai,” she muttered in a low voice, but the warning still clear enough. “Stop it.” She tried to catch his gaze, but his stare was fixed on Mal, genuine anger burning behind his eyes. She was shocked by how much the words had hit apparently. “Nikolai,” she repeated. “ _ Enough.”  _

This time he seemed to have heard her. 

Mal gasped as the king let go of him, taking a step back. Nikolai’s jaw was hardened. “Say anything like that again,” he said very quietly, and no less threatening. “And I’ll have you thrown into the sea.” 

Mal only managed to nod. 

Nikolai turned on his heel and left then, the door slamming shut behind him. No one dared to speak for a few seconds. 

Zoya glanced at Genya for a brief moment, who looked no less shocked than anyone else, before lifting her head and facing Mal. She could fight her own battles. “I don’t care about your opinion,” she remarked, giving him a lazy look. “But if something like this happens again, it’s not the king’s anger you will have to fear.” She added a smile. “Understood?” 

Again, the tracker nodded. Alina’s expression was a mixture of shock and amusement when she linked her arm with Mal’s, pulling him closer. 

Zoya turned without another word and quickly took her leave as well. She was hoping to catch Nikolai before he could disappear somewhere. They very clearly needed to talk about this. 

She found him on one of the balconies, staring out onto Os Alta below them. His gaze was absent, weary. Perhaps he was regretting his outburst already. 

Zoya stopped next to him, leaning against the railing so she could face him. “What did just happen?” she asked quietly, reaching out for him and running her fingers along the side of his arm. She could feel his tense muscles relaxing slightly under her touch. 

Nikolai cast her a long look but remained silent. A shadow of the earlier rage was still in his eyes, making them gleam darker than usual. 

Zoya sighed. “If you’re jealous, you have no reason to be.” She wondered if she could ever rid herself of the stain her chase of Mal had left on her. She should have left it at that one night and gotten over it, instead of making a fool of herself. 

But Nikolai shook his head, wrapping an arm around her waist to pull her against his chest. “It wasn’t jealousy,” he said into her hair, resting his head on top of hers. She barely reached up to his shoulders like this. “I just didn’t like what he was implying.” 

“I can defend myself,” Zoya remarked, breathing in the scent of him as she leaned against his chest. Like this, she could listen to his heartbeat. 

Nikolai almost chuckled. “I am quite aware,” he replied. “I suppose I overreacted.” 

Zoya sighed. “Ever so slightly.” Although she had greatly enjoyed the look on Mal’s face. “Just don’t kill anyone by accident.” 

He huffed. “Says the one who attacked Alina and broke three of her ribs.” 

She raised her head, glaring up at him. Who had told him that story? “That was  _ months  _ ago,” she muttered. “Also I’m known for being reckless. You’re supposed to be the calm face of diplomacy.” 

Nikolai only grinned, leaning down to press his lips to hers. Zoya opened her lips under his, her hands moving up to trail along the lines of his neck. “I suppose I forget all diplomacy when it comes to you,” he breathed against her mouth, his tongue playfully tracing along her bottom lip. 

Zoya felt a strong feeling of satisfaction as she slipped closer, almost tempted to shut out the fact that they were standing on a balcony, out for everyone to see. Although they weren’t even supposed to be together just yet. 

Very hesitantly, she pulled away. “I need to get back to training,” she muttered, tilting her head as Nikolai kissed along her jaw. “Don’t make me tempted to skip the lesson.” 

He laughed, drawing away ever so slowly. “Considering how soon we are marching to the fold that’s probably not advisable.” He sounded like a king again. 

Zoya took a deep breath, breaking free from the embrace. Four more days. That’s all they might have left. She gave Nikolai one last look before she turned away, trying to ignore the doom lurking at the back of her mind. 

They might not make it. 

Or, one of them might not. Perhaps that was an even worse thing to consider. 

Nikolai found Zoya in his bathroom the night after, sitting in his bathtub, legs pressed to her chest and reading. She looked up when he entered, raising a brow at him. “What?” 

He shook his head, leaning down to drop a kiss at the top of her head. “You look great in my bathtub.” 

Zoya huffed, putting her book down. “Then why haven’t you joined me yet?” 

Nikolai laughed in response, already opening the buttons of his shirt. “I was waiting for you to invite me.” 

Zoya rolled her eyes, sinking deeper into the tub and brushing a lazy hand through her hair. She certainly already looked the part of queen. She shifted when Nikolai climbed in behind her, allowing him to sink into the water. 

He picked up her book from the edge of the tub, studying the front page. “You’re reading a history book?” he remarked.  _ Ravkan History,  _ the title read. The Shadow Fold was printed onto the cover. 

Zoya shrugged. “One of us needs to be prepared for ruling this country.” 

“Good thing you’re taking the job seriously,” he joked, putting the book down. Zoya’s wet hair was clinging to her back, the faint texture of her scars still shining through. He carefully brushed some strands away, tracing the lines with his fingers. 

She tensed under the touch but didn’t move, her eyes pinned to the edge of the tub. 

“Are you going to tell me the story of these someday?” Nikolai asked carefully, concerned that if he pushed too hard, she might just slip through his fingers again. 

Zoya hesitated, glancing back over her shoulder. “Usually I make up a story.” 

_ Usually.  _ So whenever she took a new man into her bed, apparently. That was something he really didn’t wish to think about. 

She seemed to have noticed his sudden tension because she sighed, leaning back against his chest. “I’ve never told anyone the truth before,” she said quietly, running a hand along the edge of the bathtub. 

Nikolai wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her closer. “You don’t have to right now.” He was happy to wait until she was ready. There were things which they hadn’t shared yet, and it was fine that way. A time for stories would certainly come. 

For a moment Zoya was silent. But then she cleared her throat. “My amplifier is made of tiger bones. The Darkling gifted them to me.” Her fingers were still resting against the tub, the amplifier on her wrist gleaming in the soft light. “We were struggling to find the tigers for days. And everyone wanted those bones.” She huffed. “I wanted them most of all.” 

“Of course you did,” Nikolai replied, not quite sure yet where this story was going to take him. But he listened. 

“We chased a female tiger for days, but could never catch her. In the end, she left her cubs behind. The Darkling and his men had them put into a cage and let everyone fight about what to do with them.” She shook her head. “But they were so tiny. So helpless. I couldn’t stop thinking about them.” 

Nikolai started to get a sense of what was going to happen next. But he remained silent. 

“I freed them, during the night. Chased them out of the camp. Just when I sensed that I wasn’t alone.” 

“The mother?” Nikolai guessed. 

Zoya shook her head, little droplets of water falling from her damp hair. “A male. He went straight for the cubs. I should have used my power, but I just... “ She took a deep breath. “I covered them with my body. And then I summoned the most powerful gust of wind I could and sent him flying. He broke his neck during the fall.” 

Nikolai felt a little smile creep over his lips. He could imagine that scene. “And the Darkling allowed you to have the bones?” Charity had hardly been his strength. 

Zoya’s gaze was absent. “He was disappointed. I told him I was sorry, but he didn't believe me. So instead I told him that the bones were rightfully mine.” A hint of bitterness had slipped into her voice. “I adored him so much that the thought of his disapproval was worse than any scar.” 

“You never had them tailored away,” Nikolai remarked. 

She shook her head. “He left his mark on me, and I on him.” Her fingers ran across the bones of her amplifier. 

For a moment no one spoke. Then Nikolai brushed a kiss against the back of her head. “I’m glad to know this about you. What did I do to deserve the truth?”    
Without seeing her face he knew Zoya was smiling. “Offered me a kingdom?” she replied, turning around in the water. Her blue eyes shone brightly as she leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his lips. 

Nikolai pulled her closer, her fingers running across his chest as she slipped into his lap. “A convincing argument, I agree.” He had gone to David for a ring today, and they had discussed the details and made a plan. Soon enough, it would sit on Zoya’s finger. 

Hopefully. If the Darkling didn’t burn down the country beforehand. 

Zoya seemed to have sensed his thoughts since she pulled back, studying his face. “Don’t tell me your unbreakable optimism is faltering.” 

Nikolai sighed. “Perhaps you’re rubbing off on me.” 

She frowned, almost offended. “You’re supposed to be the positive one,” she commented. “Alina and Mal are already dreadful company enough.” She leaned closer. “We’ll make it work somehow.” 

“Are you trying to cheer me up right now?”   
  
Her eyes narrowed. “Don’t expect me to do it again.” 

Nikolai actually smiled at that, placing another kiss against her lips. “Good to know.” 


	7. Chapter 7

Two days until they would march for the fold. 

Another endless meeting. 

Nikolai listened to Tamar and Tolya explaining the movements of their heartrenders, battle strategies, more plans. They were all exhausted by now. Alina looked half asleep, leaned against Mal in an attempt to look awake. Zoya was hovering near the map on the wall, pacing the room, wringing her hands nervously. She looked like she hadn't slept in a week. Which was probably not too far off. Nikolai couldn’t remember the last time they had gotten a good night’s sleep. 

The twins eventually left, leaving the four of them alone in the room. Zoya made a spectacle of ignoring Mal, fluffing her long hair over her shoulders as she crossed her arms, still studying the map. As if anything would change at this point. 

Nikolai cleared his throat. “There is one more thing which needs discussing,” he remarked. “But in private.” 

Zoya’s blue eyes darted to him. He hadn’t told her of his plan yet. “What?” she wanted to know, stepping closer. 

Alina sat up a little straighter. Even Mal looked slightly interested. 

“There is one part of the plan which still needs some preparation,” he began, suddenly a lot more nervous that Zoya was going to say no. “But that means Zoya and I need to get married tonight.” 

Zoya’s jaw almost dropped. Alina studied her for a moment as if to find out if her surprise was genuine. “Why today?” she asked hesitantly. “I thought later.”

But Zoya had understood. She had read it in his eyes as usual. She shook her head slowly, stepping closer. “In case you don’t come back,” she said his thoughts about loud. 

Nikolai nodded. “In case something happens, Ravka needs a monarch.” 

Zoya’s face had significantly paled. 

Alina looked ready to burst into tears. “Nothing is going to happen-” she began, but he interrupted her gently. 

“We don’t know that.” Because they didn’t. And Nikolai liked having a back-up plan. Or, several. 

Zoya raised her chin in defiance. “I don’t have a dress.” 

Nikolai rolled his eyes. “We can have a proper wedding with a proper dress some other time.” 

She almost looked ready to slap him. “Genya needs to be there,” she added. “She needs to do my hair at least.” 

“The fewer people the better,” Nikolai tried to argue but Zoya’s iron gaze was enough to make him reconsider. He knew why she wanted Genya there. Not for the hair. For support, more likely. Even if neither of the girls would ever admit to that. “Fine,” he agreed. 

Alina sank back into her chair. “Perhaps a wedding will help lighten the mood,” she muttered. “This is so depressing.” 

She wasn’t wrong. Zoya still only looked half-convinced, biting her lip as she mindlessly stared at the wall in front of her. Nikolai carefully moved closer, shielding her from Alina’s and Mal’s eyes. “Regretting your decision?” he asked quietly. 

A smile touched her lips then. “No.” She shook her head. “You can’t hand your country over to me.” 

Nikolai shrugged. “I can. Which is why we need witnesses attending the wedding, just in case.” 

Zoya pressed her lips together, tugging a dark strand of hair behind her ear. 

Just then, the ground shook. Nikolai felt himself freezing, a cold sense of doom settling over him. Not a good sign at all. 

Zoya was already by the window, opening it and peering outside. Her face turned ashen. “Oh, Saints.” 

Alina moved to peak over her shoulder but Mal yanked her backward. “What’s out there?” he demanded to know. 

Zoya wasn’t moving. For a second no one spoke. “The Darkling,” she said eventually. “He has come for us at last.” 

Alina’s eyes widened, but Mal never let go of her. “He came for me-” she began, but no one was listening. 

Zoya whirled around. “Get her out of here,” she demanded in Mal’s direction. “Get onto a ship.” 

“We won’t abandon you all!” Alina argued. 

Zoya ignored her. “Take Genya with you,” she ordered, and for a moment she already looked like a queen. Then her eyes found Nikolai. “And you should go with them.” 

He huffed. “In your dreams, Nazyalensky.” 

For a second Zoya looked like disagreeing, but then simply turned back to the window. “He’s alone,” she remarked. “No army at his back.” 

“I will talk to him,” Alina offered weakly. Mal looked ready to kill someone. 

Zoya frowned. “No. You’re our best asset.” Spoken like a true commander. She took a deep breath. “I’ll go. I’ll stage a distraction, lure him in, get him to talk.” 

Alina raised a brow. “What will stop him from killing you?” 

Good question. “It’s too risky,” Nikolai agreed. “I can go. I’m better suited in terms of diplomacy.” 

Zoya cast him an anxious look. “He knows me. I’ll distract him long enough.” She seemed to have sensed his disapproval because she managed a smile, getting onto her tiptoes and pressing a kiss to his lips. “Trust me.” 

He knew then that he couldn’t stop her, even if he tried. 

Nikolai caught her wrist, pulling her closer against him as he caught her lips in another kiss. He was aware of Alina and Mal watching but he quite honestly didn’t care. “Come back to me,” he whispered against her lips. 

Zoya only smiled sadly, turning around and rushing out of the room. Below them, the ground shook once more. 

Zoya climbed onto the roof, feeling her knees shake as she glanced down over the edge. This was madness. She took a deep breath as she stepped into the middle of the roof, raising her hands to summon the storm to her defense. 

She knew that the Darkling would be able to sense her, up on here. Without any cover. Totally in the open. It was a foolish plan, but she could only hope that he still cared enough about her that he had a desire to kill her. Enough to climb up here and face her. 

The storm whirled around her as she suddenly felt something move against the current, some power pushing against her own. The hair on her neck rose at the sensation. She knew this particular sensation. 

“My dear Zoya,” the Darkling’s smooth voice cut through the air and when she turned around he was there, standing a few paces away from her. He looked just like he always had. His grey eyes rested calmly on her. “I suppose you wanted to see me, judging from that blatant display of power.” 

Zoya dropped her hands. “I did want to see you.” She forced herself to smile. “I wondered when I might have a chance to talk to you again.” She tried to find the adoration in her voice, the blind loyalty she had once possessed when talking to him. It was so much harder than she remembered. But today, she needed to be the seductress everyone thought her to be. Just today. “I missed you,” she added, making her voice honey-sweet. 

The Darkling regarded her with an ice-cold glance, slipping closer. No sign of any of his darkness yet, or his monsters. Perhaps a good sign. “You betrayed me,” he replied, his tone calm as usual, but his eyes… Zoya almost flinched. He was furious. 

“Only because you sent me away-” she tried but didn't get further, because just then his hands were around her throat, pushing her backward. She felt the cold sensation of not getting enough air. 

The Darkling leaned in closer, his grey eyes shimmering dangerously. “You sided with my enemy. And now you have the decency to crawl back to me like this.” 

At least he was buying her act. Until now. Zoya forced herself to stay calm. This was not the first time she had endured the Darkling’s wrath. “I’m sorry,” she purred. “I’ll make it up to you.” She hated herself a little for speaking these words. It made her feel sick inside. 

The grip around her throat tightened. “Where is Alina?” 

Zoya blinked in surprise. “I don’t know-” she began but never got to finish because suddenly a voice cut through the air. 

“Let go of her.” 

Zoya felt her heart missing a beat.  _ Oh no.  _ Nikolai was standing a few paces away, a gun pointed at the Darkling’s head. 

“Nikolai,” Zoya muttered, struggling to keep up her act. It was getting increasingly harder to breathe. But she couldn’t let her feelings get in the way, not right now. It would get Nikolai killed. “Get out of here.” 

But the Darkling had already understood. Knowledge was gleaming in his eyes. “I always knew you were ambitious, Zoya,” he said quietly. “But I didn’t think you would actually go for a king.” His grin turned dangerous. “He loves you, doesn’t he?” 

Zoya shook her head. “No.” She didn’t know whether that was the right or the completely wrong answer. Black spots were dancing in front of her vision. 

Nikolai released the trigger on his gun. “Let go of her,” he repeated. 

“Your Highness,” the Darkling purred. “You really think a bullet could kill me?” His tone was mocking. 

This was going very badly. Zoya’s heart was racing. She needed to regain his attention somehow. Turn his focus back to her. “We got married yesterday,” she blurted out, not able to come up with a more decent plan. The Darkling would send his nichevo’ya for Nikolai, and she couldn’t let that happen. “He made me the Queen of Ravka.” A lie, of course, but one which might just work. 

The Darkling’s gaze returned to her. “And why would he do that?” He sounded only mildly interested. 

Zoya took a shaky breath. “Because I made him fall in love with me.” She saw Nikolai frown in the corner of her eyes, confusing entering his face, but she really couldn’t bother with him right now. She needed to keep the Darkling’s focus on herself.

For a moment the Darkling didn’t react. Then his grip around her throat loosened ever so slightly. “Why should I believe you?” 

This was her last plan. Her last desperate shred of hope. She knew where he kept a knife, deep in the pockets of his coat. If she could just… She locked her eyes with his, batting her lashes. Although she felt Nikolai’s gaze burn holes into her. “Haven’t I always been loyal to you?” she purred. “If you let me live, I can hand this country to you.” 

He hesitated. Then the grip around her throat disappeared. Although the Darkling was still no less threatening. “How do you plan to do that?” Now he sounded vaguely intrigued. 

Zoya shifted closer, ignoring the little voice in her head telling her to stop. To back off. But she couldn't risk it, not with Nikolai on this roof. And so she gathered every last bit of self-control she had and raised her hands, running her fingers across the Darkling’s chest, up to his neck. Although she was not doubting he might kill her for the move alone. 

Nikolai looked like he was going to explode, his eyes burning with fury. But he wasn’t moving. He couldn’t risk shooting with Zoya so close. Although he looked like he was going to kill him with his hands alone if gotten the chance. 

The Darkling didn’t stop her. The grey of his eyes never changed. “Cut to the point,” he demanded instead. 

Zoya’s hand moved over his ribs, along the side of his torso. She knew where to look. If only she could get a good advantage… She felt the Darkling leaning closer, his lips almost close enough to touch her skin now. “I’ve always quite enjoyed your company, Zoya,” he purred into her ear. It sounded almost fondly. 

Zoya felt a new wave of sickness rising within her. This man was a murderer. He had destroyed an entire city with the Shadowfold. Her fingers reached for the pocket, the metal of the knife cool against the palm of her hand. A few seconds passed. 

And then, before he could react, she had the blade pressed to his throat. 

Nikolai actually gasped, but the Darkling’s expression seemed unmoved. Then his lips spread into a smirk. “I was waiting for you to make an attempt,” he commented, brushing a bit of dust away from his sleeve. “You’ve always been a terrible actress.” 

“You didn’t mind all those times I played pretend with you.”   
  
The Darkling’s eyes grew a little darker. “You were foolish to fall in love with him. And even more foolish wanting to protect him. He will never make you a queen.” 

Zoya pressed the knife harder against his throat. “I’m not in love,” she replied, feeling her hands slightly shake under the pressure. She didn’t dare to glance at Nikolai. 

His smile only grew. “Such a pretty little fool.” And with those words, he pushed her over the edge of the roof. 

Zoya was falling. She heard herself screaming as she fell over the edge, the world around her turning into a blur of colors. She was going to die. Just like this. She thrust her arms out, the last of her strength summoning an uproar of wind. The pillar of air slowed her fall, but it was barely enough. 

The world went dark for a moment as she crashed onto the stone floor of whatever street she had landed in, an agonizing pain immediately creeping down her body. Zoya forced herself to keep breathing, the edges of her vision turning black as she tried to shift into a sitting position, ignoring the sharp ache which shot through her body. Perhaps she had broken a few ribs. Everything was spinning. 

And then suddenly someone was wrapping his arms around her and if she hadn’t been half passed out already, Zoya might have cried at the sound of her name on Nikolai’s lips. 

“Nazyalensky,” he muttered into her hair as she sank against him, no longer able to hold herself upright. The pain had turned into a dull ache, paralyzing her. She could barely get enough air into her lungs to breathe. 

“Where is the Darkling,” she was able to get out, feeling her head resting against Nikolai’s chest.

His lips pressed a featherlight kiss to the top of her head. “Gone,” he confirmed. “Now keep your eyes open for me, okay?” 

She tried. She really did. “I’m sorry about what I said,” Zoya muttered, more black spots dancing in front of her vision. Everything was hurting. “I only meant to distract him…”

“I know,” Nikolai replied, his arms gently wrapping around her as he picked her up in his arms. “I didn’t doubt you for a second.” 

She didn’t deserve this. She didn’t deserve any of this. “Nikolai…” she tried to say, but her voice left her halfway through and she felt the darkness closing in on her, dragging her downwards. She just wanted to apologize. She just wanted to… The world turned black around her, and the last thing she heard was Nikolai calling her name. 


	8. Chapter 8

The first thing Zoya felt was a sharp pain just below her heart, slowly spreading its way through the rest of her body. She had a terrible headache. 

Very slowly she opened her eyes, lashes fluttering open with much more effort than she had expected. The first thing she noticed was the room. Because it was not her own. She was lying in the king’s bed, apparently. 

She blinked a few times to get rid of the black spots daring to cloud her vision again, the pain turning into more of a distant ache. 

A door was opened somewhere and then Nikolai was standing in front of the bed, looking like he had just woken up. His hair was messy, his clothes wrinkled. When he noticed her awake he froze. 

She was preparing herself for the worst, but all she saw on his face was relief. He exhaled sharply. “You scared me quite a bit, Nazyalensky,” he commented, the strain in his voice giving him away. 

Zoya lifted her head but he was already next to her on the bed. 

“Don’t move,” Nikolai whispered, placing a featherlight kiss against the top of her head. “You broke two ribs, and they haven’t fully healed yet.” 

_ Great.  _ She still shifted, far enough to be able to look at him. “Where is the Darkling?” 

Nikolai’s gaze turned a little less carefree. “Gone. But no one was hurt, thanks to your…” He sighed. “What should we call it?” 

“Heroic act?” Zoya offered, but not with her usual spite. 

He still smiled, pressing another kiss to her hair. For a moment his lips lingered as if he was trying to make the moment last. “Don’t ever do anything like this again,” he said quietly. 

Zoya exhaled, the pain from her ribcage shooting through her lungs. “I didn’t enjoy being pushed from a rooftop.” She scoffed. “Besides, I had a plan.” Before he had shown up and blown that to pieces. 

Nikolai raised a brow. “Really? What kind of plan?” His voice had a sudden edge. He was upset, Zoya suddenly realized. With her, apparently. “Getting yourself killed?”

She shot him a look. “No.” She took another painful breath. “I knew where he always keeps a knife. He once trusted me enough to share those details with me.” 

“I could tell,” Nikolai muttered, clenching his jaw. The expression from the rooftop was back on his face. 

Zoya frowned ever so slightly. Was he really  _ jealous  _ right now? “Why are you upset?” she asked carefully. 

He glanced at her for a moment. “Because you got hurt,” he replied, voice tense. “And because-” He let out an exasperated breath. “I didn’t enjoy seeing how  _ familiar  _ he was with you.”   
  
Zoya sank deeper into the pillows. She had forgotten all about that. After all, her history with the Darkling was not exactly something she told everyone. And she didn’t particularly like to remember it either. “That was a long time ago,” she chose to reply. Back when she has worshipped him. Adored him. Back when he had been so charming, so magnetizing, that she just wasn’t able to resist. He had used her, of course, but so had she. He had come to trust her, given her duties, shared secrets. It had been a mutual agreement, nothing more.   
  
She gazed at Nikolai, who still had his jaw clenched. “It never meant anything,” she added. Of course, it hadn't’. Nothing had ever meant anything to her with anyone who wasn’t Nikolai. 

Nikolai sighed, dropping his head to hide his expression. “He was right about one thing,” he replied quietly. “You are a terrible actress. He didn’t buy your act for a second.” 

The words bruised her pride more than Zoya liked to admit. “I’ve made him want me before.” But back then it had been easier. Before he had turned into a mass murderer. 

Nikolai’s eyes visibly darkened at the words, but he didn’t comment. 

She reached for his hand then. “I was only trying to protect you.” The moment he would have shot, the Darkling would have called forward the darkness. And she wouldn’t have lived through that, one way or another. 

To her surprise Nikolai smiled sadly at the words, intertwining their fingers and pressing a kiss to her knuckles. “I know. Which is the worst thing about everything that happened. Because he knew exactly how I felt about you.” 

The Darkling’s voice was echoing through her head.  _ He’s in love with you.  _ Zoya actually shivered. She had meant to reply, but her lips wouldn’t form any more words. 

Nikolai brushed a hair away from her face, running a finger along her cheek. “I wanted to kill him for even touching you.” He pressed a kiss to her lips for just a second, and much too short for her liking. 

Zoya wrapped her arms around his neck, ignoring the alarming pain which came with the movement, drawing him closer. “Do you still want to get married tonight?” 

Nikolai chuckled against her lips, his breathing caressing her skin. “If you want me to carry you to the aisle. I don’t think you’re able to stand.” 

She huffed. “Watch me.” 

But Nikolai was faster, having sensed the thought before she had even moved. He had her pinned down on the bed. “Don’t you dare,” he muttered. One kiss against her jaw. Another against her neck. 

Zoya’s resistance melted away. “Are you torturing me now?” she wanted to know, running a hand through his hair. 

Nikolai looked rather amused. “It’s not every day that you can’t fight back,” he remarked, pressing another kiss to her lips. “But no. You need to sleep.” 

She exhaled slowly. She didn’t want to face it just yet. Because she feared that whenever she closed her eyes, she might come to see the Darkling. His grey eyes, just in front of her. His hands at her throat. He had not made his way into her dreams for a very long time now. 

Something on her face seemed to have given her away because Nikolai rolled off her, resting his head on the pillow right next to hers. “I’ll stay,” he offered. Casually. Without questioning. “But you need sleep if we want to get married tomorrow.” 

Zoya watched his face for a moment. Eventually, she nodded. “Are you really going to carry me?” 

Nikolai smiled, wrapping her up in his arms as his lips found her neck. “If you want to.” 

She found herself quite fond of the idea. “Am I getting a crown?” 

He laughed against her skin, the sensation sending a shiver down her spine. “Whatever you want.” He kissed the side of her neck. “My queen.” 

Zoya no longer minded the idea of sleeping as much, if only it meant being curled up in Nikolai’s arms. 

Zoya did end up taking another day to rest, but the following evening she met Nikolai, Alina, Mal, Genya, and David in the Little Palace’s church. She tried to ignore the lingering feeling of memory creeping into her mind as she entered the room, as she walked down the aisle next to Genya, as she listened to the priest quietly talk to Nikolai.  _ This was not Pachina _ . And this was not her real wedding either. Once she was crowned queen, they could have a proper one. Hopefully, one without her mother’s ghost leaning over her shoulder. 

Zoya watched Nikolai anxiously, stepping from one foot onto the other.  _ Why did the memories return now?  _ She was not the same little girl anymore. She was strong now. This was her own decision. 

“Hey,” Nikolai interrupted her thoughts, brushing a hand along her cheeks. “What’s wrong?” He was studying her face. “Are you in any pain?”   
  
Zoya had grown used to the dull ache of her ribs, to the pain which came with moving. She hardly felt it anymore. She brushed the concern away with a wave of her hand. “Let’s get on with it.”   
  
Nikolai smirked. “Always the romantic, Nazyalensky.” 

The priest began to speak then, a few words which no doubt Nikolai had chosen. Zoya tried to focus on his presence next to her, on the way he was watching her, the way his eyes gleamed.  _ This was not Pachina.  _ And yet the memories dared to claw their way into her head. She remembered the humidity of that day, the way the guests were all drenched in sweat before the ceremony had even begun. The sun had burned down on them without mercy, and Zoya remembered crying about how the golden fabric of her wedding dress had clung to her skin. She had felt even more exposed then. 

She took a deep breath, forcing the memories down. This was not the time to become sentimental. Her eyes darted to Nikolai whose gaze was pinned on her, and she wondered if he was listening to the priest right now, or if his mind was also somewhere else. 

“The marriage is sealed, then”, the priest ended his speech eventually. “You are husband and wife.” 

Zoya saw Genya grinning in the corner of her eyes, nudging Alina with her elbow. Her gaze slipped back to Nikolai. “You still owe me a ring, if I remember correctly.” She even managed a smile then. 

His lips curled up in a smirk as he stepped closer, taking her hand in his. David hurried forward then, handing the king a small black box, with a ring sitting inside. 

Zoya couldn’t help but blink in surprise at the sight of it. “You really had one  _ made? _ ” she asked, watching Nikolai slipping it onto her finger. Unsurprisingly, it fit perfectly. A blue diamond shone in the candlelight. She gazed up at Nikolai, not sure what she could say in response. For one she was out of sharp comments or witty remarks. 

But Nikolai made the choice for her, simply drawing her closer and pressing a kiss to her lips. Zoya’s fingers curled up in the front of his shirt, running along his neck as she melted into his arms, at last feeling the tension and hesitation dropping off.  _ She was the Queen of Ravka.  _ A shiver ran down her spine.  _ They were married. _

Someone cleared his throat behind them and Zoya pulled back, suddenly aware of the surroundings again. The priest looked slightly uneasy. 

Nikolai smirked, eyes gleaming with mischief as he let go of her. “Ravka has a new queen,” he muttered, placing a quick kiss against the shell of her ear. 

“Only in name,” Genya remarked, brushing a hair away from her face. “I won’t courtesy to you.” 

Zoya huffed. “Just admit it, it suits me. I was always meant to be royal.” She was glad about the change in the atmosphere. She didn’t want to dwell in the past any longer. 

Genya rolled her eyes, but the look on Mal’s face was well worth it. “Can we leave?” he muttered, gazing at Alina. “I’m tired.” 

Alina smiled politely, grabbing his arm. “Congratulations.” Her gaze turned a little daunting. “Let’s hope we all get to experience the real wedding.” 

For a moment no one said anything. This might be the last time they were together like this. 

Eventually, Nikolai broke the silence. “We should all get some sleep. Prepare for what’s to come.” 

Zoya felt the weight of reality settling back in. They were still going to the fold. They could still lose, or win this war. She reached for Nikolai instinctively, wrapping an arm around him as she rested her head against his chest while the others silently left. 

He leaned down, lips grazing her ear. “Tired just yet?” 

Zoya felt herself smiling, despite everything else. “Not quite.” 


	9. Chapter 9

They ended up leaving for the Fold later than intended, and yet only two days after the wedding. Alina was still riding in Nikolai’s carriage, even if just for public show, while Mal preferred to ride at the end with the other soldiers. Zoya stayed close to Tamar and Nadia, staring at the horizon which seemed to never end. Perhaps this journey was a mistake. Perhaps they were never meant to come here. Perhaps the Darkling was just waiting for his chance to kill them all. 

And yet they marched. Tamar and Nadia were holding hands, silently chatting, and Zoya immediately missed the weight of the ring on her finger. But of course, she couldn’t wear it, not right now. No one was supposed to know anything about the marriage. She had left it with Genya, who had stayed behind in Os Alta. At least she would be safe for a while if the world went to hell. 

They reached one of the old abandoned villages near the fold soon, making a camp behind the ruined city walls. Zoya lingered with her squallers at first, watching them build fires and tents in case she needed to yell commands, but it all went smoothly enough. 

Nikolai had his own tent at the very center of the camp, the twins guarding the entrance. Tamar raised a brow when Zoya slipped past her, a knowing gleam in her eyes. 

“Did the ship arrive already?” Zoya greeted Nikolai, who was pouring himself a glass of wine just now. She took the bottle from him, taking a sip. 

“Yes, actually,” he replied, taking a sip from his own glass. “Now we can only hope the Darkling won’t see us coming.” He cast her a look. “Are you okay?”  _ Being so close to Kribirsk,  _ he meant to say. 

Zoya raised the bottle again. “Never better,” she replied. “I’m the queen now, remember?” She sank down on Nikolai’s bed. “Unless we die tomorrow, then I suppose I’m just an unimportant soldier.” 

Nikolai rolled his eyes, setting his glass down. “I admire your positivity,” he commented, sitting down next to her and leaning back against his pillows. “Don’t tell me you’re scared, Nazyalensky.” 

She was scared. And no longer only for herself, which was a new feeling entirely. “Tomorrow,” she said hesitantly. “Tamar and Tolya will be guarding you, won’t they?” She would feel better with the twins by Nikolai’s side. 

He blinked in surprise. “I assume they will,” he replied. “But they also plan to guard Alina.” His gaze softened a little. “Are you  _ worried  _ about me?” 

Zoya blew a strand of hair away from her face. “I don’t plan to govern this wretched country on my own.” 

Nikolai reached for her wrist, pulling her closer. “Listen,” he said quietly. “As much as I like the fact that you’re concerned about me, you don’t need to be. I’ll be guarded.” He kissed the tip of her nose. “I’m more worried for you after your stunt with the Darkling.” 

She slapped his shoulder. “Shut up your Highness,” she muttered. “Besides, wouldn’t it be my job as a good wife to be concerned about you?” 

Nikolai smirked. “Absolutely,” he confirmed. For a moment his face grew more serious. “Be careful tomorrow. Please.” 

Zoya just nodded. “Of course.” 

He kissed her then, lips catching hers as he pulled her closer, Zoya sinking against his chest. She opened her lips under his, his tongue immediately flicking inside. His fingers ran down her back, leaving a trail of shivers behind. For a few moments time stopped. 

But then Nikolai broke away, leaving an inch of space between their lips. He brushed a finger along the lines of her lips as if struggling to let go. “I love you,” he whispered, voice barely audible. “I wanted to tell you sooner, but then you decided to fall from a rooftop.” 

She might have laughed then if it hadn’t been for the three words he had just said. She searched his face, for the lie she perhaps  _ hoped  _ to find there. But there was only genuine feeling in Nikolai’s eyes. And so she closed the distance between them again and kissed him, responded in the only way she knew how to respond right now. 

Nikolai ran a hand through her hair, flipping her over so she was underneath him. “One last battle, Nazyalensky,” he whispered against her skin, spreading kisses along her neck. “One last battle and then we get a lifetime of this.” 

Zoya was hardly in the mood to point out the false hope within this statement, all the political instabilities he was ignoring. Instead, she kept her eyes closed, dropping her head back against the pillows. Because a lifetime of  _ this  _ truly sounded too tempting to ever refuse. 

Zoya watched the other’s preparing the ship. Watched her squallers board, Nadia kissing Tamar goodbye as she took her position at the head of the deck, Tamar and Tolya moving along with the Sun Summoner. Alina’s expression was anxious, her eyes large and troubled. It would be the first in a long time that she would see the Darkling, and today she should face him head-on. It was a lot of pressure. 

Zoya turned as Nikolai approached her, his gaze thoughtful. He stopped right in front of her. “Are the squallers ready?” 

“As ready as they will ever be.” That didn’t mean that they were good. 

The king sighed. “Good enough.” He gazed at Alina for a moment, who was talking to Tamar, head bowed. “I should get going.” 

Zoya just nodded. “Of course, Your Highness.” There was a hint of amusement in her tone. 

Nikolai’s lips curled up in a smirk. He shifted closer, eyes pinned to her lips, and yet hesitating. They were surrounded by people, most of them watching the king. And yet he never took his gaze off her lips. 

“Nikolai,” she muttered, half a warning and half an invitation. She could feel his breathing grazing her skin, a shiver running down her back. He was so close now, much too close to brush it off as professional distance. She gazed up at him, into the eyes she had looked into so many times before. 

Nikolai took a long breath, shaking his head ever so slightly. “It doesn’t matter anymore either way, does it?” he whispered and then he was kissing her, lips pressing against hers with such intensity that Zoya might have stumbled if not for the way he was holding onto her. She wrapped her arms around his neck, feeling the warmth of his skin as she was drawn closer, melting against him. The world didn’t matter anymore. Nikolai’s tongue swept across her bottom lip, his fingers tracing the lines of her jaw and leaving an array of shivers behind. It only felt fitting for a last kiss. 

Zoya broke away at last, not able to open her eyes for the first moment. She took a shaky breath, still pressed against Nikolai, feeling his hands holding her face. His forehead was resting against hers. 

“Don’t do anything like on the rooftop, Nazyalensky,” Nikolai muttered, pressing a soft kiss to her brow before gently letting go. 

Zoya was barely able to stand. Her skin felt empty without Nikolai’s hands, without his strength to draw from. She felt suddenly alone. She gave him a look which she hoped could convey all the things she didn’t say, all the unspoken feelings lingering. 

And Nikolai smiled, smiled the way he had first smiled when he had kissed her by the lake. Like he knew exactly that he had won her heart. 

Only then did Zoya realize that they were being stared at. She quickly straightened her back, lifting her chin and turning without another glance, climbing onto the ship. 

Nadia was raising a brow at her as she joined her on deck. “Quite the show,” she commented. 

Zoya rolled her eyes. Several others were watching her with great interest.  _ Good. Let them watch.  _ If there was anything she enjoyed it was having an audience. She fluffed her hair over one shoulder, just as the boat began to move. 

They were going to enter the fold. They were going to go chase the Darkling. 

Nadia’s eyes were suddenly dark. “I hope this isn’t the last time we see the sun.” 

Zoya exhaled, bracing herself for the darkness which settled around them like a curtain as they dove right into the Unsea. 

For a long moment, nothing happened. She could see Nadia’s silhouette moving next to her, a shadow in the dark. Her breathing was echoing through the air. 

And then the volcra came screaming. 


	10. Chapter 10

Nikolai had no idea how they had made it through the Undersea. He had hidden within the body of the ship with Alina, guarded by the twins, listening to the screams from outside. He had lost all sense of time. 

“I should be out there,” Alina kept saying, pacing through the small cabin. “I should be helping-” 

Tamar cut her off sharply. “Your power will lead the Darkling right to us!” she snapped. “Do you want that?” 

Alina fell silent. “No,” she replied quietly. “Of course not.” 

But Nikolai was having a similar thought process. He should be on that deck, not hiding in here. He was being a coward, a cowardly king. His thoughts kept wandering off to Zoya.  _ If she was hurt, he would know it.  _ Or would he? He looked down at his hands, where a ring should be sitting. A symbol of the marriage they had sealed. 

“Nikolai,” Alina said softly. Her gaze was sympathetic. Mal was also fighting outside. “She’s fine.” 

She had to be. But Zoya Nazyalensky never backed down. So Nikolai could only hope that she would be fine. 

The ship came to a sudden halt. Tamar tensed, looking upwards at the ceiling. “We must have crossed the Undersea then,” she replied. 

Alina had gone ghastly pale. She would face the Darkling then. One last time.

Nikolai offered her an encouraging smile when Tamar led them upwards towards the deck. The volcra were still screaming, the sounds echoing from the wooden body of the ship. When they emerged the world was dark. The Shadow Fold spread out in front of them. 

“We need to get off this ship,” Tamar muttered, already grabbing Alina by the arm and urging her to move on. But Alina was turning, looking for Mal among the Grisha. 

Nikolai could hardly blame her. Tolya stayed by his side but he also turned his head, looking for Zoya. He wasn’t prepared for the relief which flooded him as he found her, a whirl of winds and blades among the rest of the squallers. Her storm was knocking the volcra right from the sky, their screams echoing through the Fold as they were cut down. 

“Your Highness,” Tolya urged. His gaze had turned to the horizon. To the Darkling’s army which had come. 

Nikolai was suddenly cold. He saw Alina lifting her chin, stepping off the ship. She was ready, for better or worse. For Ravka. 

Everything seemed to shift for a moment. The volcra retreated as if the Darkling’s arrival had called them back. Nikolai could only hope that they had really caught him off guard. That he had not seen them coming. Because if he had, then they were all doomed to die. 

The battle passed in a blur. Zoya couldn’t remember how many volcra she had cut down, how many had come for her. She was panting by now, the use of her powers tearing at her. She couldn’t keep it up much longer. 

Neither could anyone else. Nadia was barely standing, her blonde hair clinging to her face. 

Zoya’s gaze drifted to Nikolai when she had seen the Darkling appear, to the way he was watching Alina. Mal had rallied to her side, shielding her. They were going to try and take him down. Zoya was hardly surprised when the Sun Summoner’s gift lit up the Fold. 

But with the Darkling, his monsters came. Zoya could see the nichevo’ya approaching, bringing their deadly gift with them. They were attacking the right flank of Grisha soldiers first. The heartrenders, who had learned to defend themselves with their powers alone. Against these creatures, there was only the blade. 

Zoya lifted her hands, surrounding herself with a cloud of air. Her arms were shaking already, but one of the monsters was already on its way towards her, perhaps sent by the Darkling personally to dispose off her. She lifted her hands higher, meaning to reach for her sword, when suddenly the darkness was lit up. Not like Alina’s power, no, but different. A stroke of lightning cut through the air, cutting clean through the creature. The nichevo’ya’s scream was worse than the volcras. 

Next to her, Nadia looked startled. “What did just happen?” 

Zoya released a slow breath. “I think I just summoned lightning.” Not like she had ever done that before. But perhaps now was the proper time to start. 

Nadia looked ready to faint. “Saints,” was all she replied, turning away again. 

But Zoya wasn’t listening. She was staring at the other side of the battlement, where Harshaw was lying in his own blood. Dead. The ground was littered with dead Grisha. For a moment she couldn't move.   
  
Couldn’t do anything but stare. 

Nadia’s growl of pain ripped her back into reality. She was stumbling back, her storm barely picking up as she fought off two nichevo’ya at once. 

Zoya summoned all the self-control she had left, embracing the sensation of lightning prickling over her skin as she summoned, the strike sending the two creatures flying.

Nadia raised her chin. “I had it under control.” 

Zoya shot her a dark look. “Get into the ship. You’re in no shape to fight.” 

For a moment she seemed ready to argue, but then she just nodded and slipped away. Zoya was glad to see her safe, or as safe as one could be. There was enough death around her already. 

She noticed Nikolai then, fighting his way among the soldiers. The twins were nowhere in sight. Zoya watched him for a moment, aware that she was letting her guard down, that she was getting distracted. But she couldn’t tear her gaze away. 

Another nichevo’ya screamed, suddenly much too close to Nikolai. Its sharp fangs gleamed in the darkness as it leaped for the king. 

Zoya didn’t think. The lightning bolt cracked before she had realized having raised her hands, and before she had realized that she exposed her side. Before she saw the volcra coming for her. 

The creature slammed into her too fast, and the pain hit too suddenly. For a second the world turned black, and she felt herself hitting the ground, the impact hard enough to probably break some of her ribs again. The volcra was above her, claws digging into her skin. Zoya felt the lightning cracking, heard the creature scream as her skin lit up with the voltage. The volcra collapsed dead. 

Black stars were dancing in front of her vision as she tried to move, but the pain which shot through her at the attempt was too devastating.  _ She was going to die.  _ This time for real. Zoya was prepared for the panic, and yet she didn’t feel anything. Everything was so numb. The world was disappearing behind a curtain of fog. 

And then Nikolai was there, and even if he hadn’t spoken she would have recognized him by the way he cupped her cheek, the way his skin felt against hers. Even now. “Zoya,” she could hear him saying. “Look at me.” 

She blinked, trying to get her eyes to focus. Even then she saw the worry on his face. The despair. But he was alive, and that was all that counted right now. “It’s fine,” she whispered, seeing the horizon above them light up with Alina’s power. She was going to defeat the Darkling. She was going to save their country. 

Nikolai was shaking his head. “Don’t you dare die on me, Nazyalensky,” he muttered like it was going to make a difference.

Zoya managed a smile, the edges of her vision turning black once more. Her lids fell shut as she heard Nikolai saying her name, again and again, his voice fading as she sank down into nothingness. Darkness swallowed her whole. 

There was so much blood. Zoya was too light in his arms when Nikolai carried her back into the ship, and her skin was too pale when he sat in the small boat which carried them back with Nadia, leaving the Fold behind. He had no idea where Alina was, whether the battle was over, whether they had won or lost. He couldn’t care. Not right now. 

The scene kept playing off in his head.  _ It was his fault.  _ Zoya had saved his life, and let her guard down in the process.  _ Her blood was on his hands now.  _ He had trouble breathing. 

Nadia went off to find a healer when they had finally made the crossing, as Nikolai carried Zoya into the main tent inside the camp. To his surprise Genya was sitting there, her face going ashen as she saw him. “What happened?” 

Nikolai shook his head, putting Zoya down on the table. He checked for a pulse, fingers shaking so badly that he barely managed. She was alive, still. But she was bleeding, and it was all his fault. 

Genya swallowed, forcing herself to meet Nikolai’s eyes. “Alina?” she asked quietly. 

“I don’t know.” He had not seen her for the better part of the battle. 

She nodded, pressing her lips together and staring down at Zoya. “What happened?” she repeated the question. 

Nikolai felt the immense weight of guilt settling in. His heart was almost too heavy to speak. “She saved my life.” Nikolai couldn’t get the image out of his mind, of lightning flashing and the volcra screaming as it tore Zoya down to the ground. Even then she had still summoned. He had never before seen anything like it. “She summoned lightning,” he said to Genya, only to fill the heavy silence. 

Genya looked up, frowning. “ _ Zoya?”  _

Nikolai nodded, just when Nadia burst inside, followed by a young man in a red  _ kefta.  _ He looked mildly traumatized when he saw Nikolai, bowing his head quickly. 

“Just get on with it,” Genya muttered, a certain strain in her voice. Nadia shot her a warning look. 

But Nikolai understood Genya’s tension. All he wanted was to grab the boy and force him to make Zoya better right now. But that was sadly not how it worked. 

The healer stepped closer, examining the wounds. His face turned even more pale. 

_ She might really die,  _ Nikolai realized for the first time and the realization hit him with such force that he needed to sit down. Genya cast him a worried look as he sank down on one of the chairs. 

_ He might never see her again. _ He might never wake up to her sleeping next to him again, or see her smile, or roll her eyes at something he had sad. He missed her so terribly that for a second it felt like the world had cracked open. 

Genya had silently sat down next to him, wringing her hands nervously. Her fingers were trembling. Nadia was still standing next to the door, looking anywhere but Zoya or Nikolai or Genya. She was ghastly pale. 

“How bad is it?” Genya eventually asked the healer, who flinched under her gaze. But she held his stare, unyielding. 

“She lost too much blood,” he said eventually. By now blood was dripping onto the floor of the tent. “I would need another healer to try and seal the wounds, but-” 

Genya interrupted. “Then get someone else!” 

Nadia cleared her throat. “The other healers aren’t here. I requested someone from the capital, but that might take hours.” 

Nikolai felt the world spinning. 

Just at this moment, someone else rushed into the tent, Tamar lifting her gaze as she stepped inside. Her gaze never wavered, not even when she noticed all the blood. Or the deadly silence. “The Darkling is dead,” she said quietly. 

Genya rose to her feet. Her fingers were still shaking. “How?” 

“Alina killed him.” 

Nikolai felt a rush of gratitude towards Alina, Alina who had always only wanted peace for Ravka. Who had been forced to give up so much in the process. But he couldn’t find it in him to truly be glad. Not right now. 

“Is she alive?” Genya asked, breaking the silence. Nadia had walked over to Tamar and taken her hand. 

Tamar nodded. “Her and Mal need healers.” Her gaze swept to Zoya. She looked truly sorry. “Some of them returned with us from the battlefields, I’ll send another one here.” 

Nikolai couldn’t respond.  _ The Darkling is dead.  _ Ravka was saved. And yet nothing seemed like it was before. 

Another healer came, a boy not much older than the first one. Nikolai couldn’t watch, so he stepped outside of the tent to catch some fresh air, feeling himself trembling. He had married Zoya, thinking that he would be the one in danger. To him, Zoya had always seemed invincible. He had been told she was the Second Army’s best soldier, and after seeing her abilities himself he had never doubted it. 

He hadn’t thought that she might jump in and risk her own life for him. He hadn’t thought she cared that much. 

Genya joined him outside, arms wrapped around herself. “I didn’t think she had it in her,” she said quietly, brushing a strand of red hair away from her face. “But I never gave her a fair chance either.” Genya exhaled sharply. “I suppose I was just jealous of her closeness to the Darkling.” 

Nikolai sighed. “I don’t know what to do,” he admitted. His own path was lost to him. 

Genya turned, her single eye pinning him in place. “We’re talking about Zoya Nazyalensky,” she replied. “She’s not that easy to take down.”


	11. Chapter 11

Dawn came eventually and with it the rest of the Second Army. Or its remains. Nikolai mindlessly watched soldier after soldier arriving, the brightly colored  _ keftas  _ flashing in the first sunlight. 

So many were dead. The battle had come at an almost unbearable cost. 

Nikolai had not yet dared to step back into the tent. Had not yet dared to face the healers. Genya had gone inside instead and checked, but she hadn't returned for a while and he was actually beginning to get worried. But he couldn’t bring himself to go back inside. Too fresh was the memory of Zoya’s body in his arms, of her blood clinging to his clothes. 

Nikolai had once thought that the thing he cared most about was Ravka, or perhaps his own crown and throne. But then he had met the raven-haired squaller who had changed everything, and now he no longer cared for either of those. He would watch his country burn if only that brought Zoya back into his arms. 

Genya returned, her face pale. Her fingers were shaking. “They don’t know anything,” she said quietly. She sniffed once. “They told me to wait.” 

Nikolai felt hollow when he nodded, barely even recognizing the movement as his own. He couldn’t lose her. Not like this. 

“Your Highness.” Tamar’s voice cut through the void, and he forced himself to meet her gaze. “Alina wants to speak to you.” 

Nikolai felt a flash of guilt. He had entirely forgotten about her. 

“I’ll stay,” Genya said softly, offering a strained smile. “Go.” 

He didn’t want to go. But he also didn’t want to keep standing around this tent. And so Nikolai took a deep breath, moving to follow Tamar through the camp. He barely noticed his surroundings as they walked through the mess of the camp. His thoughts kept wandering back. 

At last, they reached Alina’s tent, her symbol embroidered into the linen of the tent. He slipped inside behind Tamar. The tent was dimly lit and for a moment he didn’t see anything until his eyes had adjusted to the darkness. 

Alina was sitting on her bed, legs crossed beneath her. Her face looked hollow and her expression tired, but she appeared unharmed. Mal Oretsev was standing in one of the corners, blood still clinging to his clothes. 

Tamar sank down on one of the chairs. 

“The Darkling is dead,” were the first words Alina spoke, her voice surprisingly steady. “And so am I.” 

Nikolai’s brain needed a moment to catch up. “You look quite alive,” he replied, but with none of his usual wit, or delight. His voice sounded hollow. 

Alina furrowed her brows. “What happened?”

“Later,” was all he said. He couldn’t bring himself to say explain just now. 

Tamar took the word. “Everyone thinks the Sun Summoner died on the fold,” she said, keeping her voice down. “And we will need people to continue believing it.” 

A shadow fell across Alina’s face in the darkness. “I don’t want to live in a palace, Nikolai,” she said softly. “I want peace, and quiet, and an end to all of this.” 

He had never understood that wish quite as much as at this moment. Nikolai sighed, running a hand over his face. “Genya will need to tailor your appearance.” He was beginning to have a headache. He couldn’t listen to this, not right now. His brain was barely functioning. He needed Zoya, more than anything. 

Alina nodded. Her expression was worried. “What happened?” she asked again, this time gazing at Tamar. “Is something wrong?” 

Nikolai felt his voice failing him. 

Just then, Alina seemed to have realized. She wrapped her arms around herself as if she was suddenly cold. “It’s Zoya, isn’t it?”    
It was Tamar who replied. “She will be fine,” she said, her eyes calm and stern. 

_ But would she?  _ Nikolai couldn’t allow himself to think otherwise. 

“I’m sorry,” Alina said quietly, and not even Mal dared to say anything. Perhaps he was aware that if he spoke now, Nikolai would most likely rip his throat out. He would gladly have somewhere to release his frustration, something which might be capable of making him feel anything. 

Someone else suddenly slipped into the tent, Tolya’s massive body stepping inside. “Genya is asking for you, Your Highness.” 

Nikolai felt a shiver running down his spine as he nodded, giving Alina an apologetic glance before leaving. Every step felt too hard. His hands were shaking.  _ If she was dead, he would know it.  _ Feel something. Right now he didn’t feel anything at all. Only dull emptiness. 

Genya was standing in front of the tent, wringing her hands. She looked tired, but her gaze darted up when Nikolai approached. “She lives,” she said quietly, taking a shaky breath. “But she apparently lost a lot of blood. They told me we need to wait for her to wake up.” She offered a smile. “I thought you might want to stay with her.”

“I’m not sure if I can,” Nikolai said quietly, glancing towards the tent. He didn’t feel like he was ready to go inside just yet. Like he was ready to possibly watch Zoya die. 

Genya seemed to have sensed his emotions because she carefully put a hand on his arm. “Do you know what Zoya once said?” She sighed. “Back when you gave the Lantsov emerald to Alina, Zoya told her that if she didn’t want you, she would gladly comfort your broken heart.” A sad smile danced over her lips. “She said she would make a magnificent queen.” 

Nikolai took a moment to process the words. Back then, he never would have guessed Zoya to even have noticed him. She had always seemed so immune to his charms. 

“I didn’t think I would ever actually hope to see her become queen,” Genya added, shaking her head. “I’ll leave you for a bit.” 

Nikolai just nodded, watching her go. He took a deep breath, then slipped inside the tent. 

Zoya was resting in a bed now, her skin so pale she looked barely alive. But her chest was rising and falling. She was breathing. He had not lost her. 

Nikolai said down next to her, touching her wrist, feeling her pulse. Her skin was too cold. And all of this was his fault. Had he not sworn to protect her, that day he had married her? And still, he had failed. 

Nikolai had no idea how much time passed. He fell asleep at some point, awaking to a sharp pain in his back and a loud noise outside. Genya came in for a little while, telling him about how Alina and Mal had gone through with their plan and had been presumed dead, and Tamar was accompanying them to the capital as they spoke. He wasn’t paying attention but simply nodding, not able to take his eyes of Zoya. 

Eventually, Genya left, and he was alone again. 

And then suddenly, Zoya stirred. Her lashes fluttered, and for a moment his world seemed to come to a halt. And then she was looking at him, with those incredibly blue eyes, and Nikolai could barely breathe.  _ He had not lost her.  _

He shifted closer, carefully brushing one finger along the line of her jaw. Zoya was blinking, her eyes gazing through the room. “I’m still alive,” she muttered, her voice slightly uneven. “That’s a surprise.” 

Nikolai pressed a kiss to her temple. “Don’t ever scare me like this again, Nazyalensky,” he whispered against her skin. 

Zoya responded with a huff. “I did save your life,” she pointed out, a hint of the familiar sharpness in her tone. Then suddenly, she tensed. “What happened to the Darkling?” 

“He’s dead,” Nikolai replied. “I’ll explain later.” 

Zoya’s gaze was almost accusing. “Why wait?” 

He laughed, brushing some hair away from her face. The relief seemed to be crushing his heart. 

Zoya sat up, ignoring Nikolai’s remark that she should stay laying down. “What did I miss?” she wanted to know, studying his face. “You look terrible,” she added. 

He probably did. Not that he had gotten any decent rest during the last day. 

Someone suddenly slipped into the tent, Genya’s auburn hair glowing as she entered, and froze as she saw Zoya awake. “Oh Saints,” she muttered and then she was rushing towards them, pulling Zoya into a hug. 

She shot Nikolai a confused look, hesitantly wrapping her arms around Genya. “Are you doing fine?” she asked dryly, trying to get free from the embrace. 

Genya cast her a disapproving glance. “You almost  _ died, _ ” she said accusingly, glancing at Nikolai for a second. “I was worried.” 

Zoya looked taken by surprise for a moment, then offered a slight smile. “Well, I’m fine now.” 

“You still look half dead,” Genya commented. 

Zoya narrowed her eyes. “I still look better than you.” 

Nikolai chose to interfere. “Before you two kill each other, can we cut this reunion short?” 

Genya grinned, getting back to her feet. “Sorry, I wasn’t trying to interrupt anything. I’ll go look for David.” 

Zoya watched her leave, eyes suddenly thoughtful. “I didn’t think I would wake up from this,” she said eventually. “There was so much death…” 

Nikolai remembered. He moved, pulling Zoya close as he wrapped his arms around her, breathing in the scent of her hair. He didn’t want to think about death any longer. “I thought I lost you,” he said quietly, closing his eyes for a moment. 

Zoya shook her head softly. “You’re not getting out of this marriage  _ that  _ easily.” 

She rested her head against his chest and Nikolai kissed the top of her hair, contemplating whether it might be possible to stay like this forever. He had no interest to ever let her go again. Never again would he allow anything like today to happen. 

But, Zoya being Zoya, she was already pulling away. Putting her armor back on. “Where is Alina?” she demanded to know. “Did we win this war?” 

Good question. Nikolai brushed a hand over her cheek. “To the world, Alina Starkov died on the shadow fold tonight. We are the only ones who know the truth.” 

Zoya blinked. “What?” 

“She wants an end to being a Saint.” 

Zoya huffed. “The common folk likes their Grisha better dead, anyway.” She shook her head. “That charade will require a lot of work.” 

But it was the least they owed Alina. For laying down her life for Ravka. For rising above them all, for becoming a living Saint. “I will ask her to stay in the palace for a while,” Nikolai remarked. “Until the coronation.” 

Zoya stilled, her gaze darting up. “I don’t think I can compare to Sankta Alina.” 

Nikolai rolled his eyes, shaking his head softly. “I wouldn’t ask you to.” He lifted her chin, so their faces were the same height. “You’re the only queen I want.” 

Zoya’s blue eyes glittered at the words, with something not unlike satisfaction. “Good,” she muttered, leaning forward to brush her lips against his. 

Nikolai chuckled, drawing her closer to deepen the kiss. He didn’t think he would have the chance to do this ever again. Zoya was running her fingers along his neck, then over his back, pressing herself closer against him. Nikolai was tempted to let the silk of her  _ kefta  _ fall, to reveal more of her perfect skin underneath. 

But they were in a war camp, and they had things which needed taking care off. He pulled away hesitantly, watching a spark of frustration in Zoya’s eyes. “We need to leave for the capital,” he remarked quietly. “Make preparations.” For a royal wedding. 

Zoya fluffed her hair back, leaning into her pillows again. “I’ll need at least four weeks to find a dress.” 

He smirked. “I thought you looked great in everything.” 

Her eyes narrowed. “I do,” she confirmed. “You better remember that during our marriage.” 


	12. Chapter 12

Ravka was celebrating. Not only a royal wedding but also an end to the war. Zoya leaned against the railing of the balcony, watching the city spread out below her. Os Alta. The capital of  _ her  _ country. A shiver ran down her spine at the thought. Today, she had been crowned queen. 

The air bristled as Alina stepped closer, her hair tailored to a shade of red, not unlike Genya’s. “Nikolai is looking for you,” she remarked. Her eyes got stuck at the crown sitting atop Zoya’s dark hair. “You were right,” she remarked, shaking her head. “You  _ do  _ make a magnificent queen.” 

Zoya snorted. “Regret not giving him a chance?” 

Alina laughed. “No,” she replied. “I was never meant to be a queen. Or a saint. I was always meant to live a quiet life in the countryside.” She sighed. The false body of Sankta Alina had been burned two days earlier. Already now had there been temples build in her name, honoring her sacrifice. She had already passed into legend. 

“You’re leaving tomorrow?” Zoya said hesitantly. She was sad to see her leave, if only for Nikolai’s sake. She knew how much he had grown to like Alina. Once that might have made her jealous, but after today those thoughts had moved to the back of her mind. 

Alina smiled. “I just want an end to everything.”

Zoya understood that sentiment. After all, they were all still haunted by the Darkling. By the stain, he had left behind. The nightmares each night were enough proof of that. “Do you think you can leave it behind?” she asked Alina. 

The other girl’s smile turned sad. “We can only try.” Her eyes suddenly lit up, focusing on something behind Zoya. “Sorry, I kept your queen away from you.” 

Nikolai wrapped his arms around Zoya, and she felt his lips brushing over her shoulder blade. “I missed you,” he muttered against her skin, leaving another kiss against her neck. 

Zoya raised a brow, half turning. “I was only gone for ten minutes.” 

“Exactly,” Nikolai replied. “Much too long.  _ Especially  _ on our wedding day.” 

Alina offered a polite smile. “I’ll go look for Genya.” 

Zoya didn’t watch her leave, instead turned around to face Nikolai. Her husband, now, officially. No more hiding. No more pretending. 

“How do you feel?” he wanted to know, reading her mind as so often. “Being queen.” His grin turned wicked. “Or, being married to a  _ very  _ handsome king.”

Zoya rolled her eyes. “It’s alright, I suppose. I could do without the king’s hands all over me in public.” 

“You’re very hard to resist,” Nikolai commented, playfully placing another kiss against the side of her neck. “The crown looks incredible on you.” 

Zoya fluffed her hair back, pulling away from his touch as she glared up at him. She hadn’t gotten used to this just yet. This calm intimacy, the openness. The trust. And yet she had come to rely on it, to love it. Perhaps this was why people got married, even if they didn’t have a country to rule. 

She looked up at Nikolai for a moment. “We’ll make it work, right?” 

He frowned ever so slightly. “The marriage?” 

Zoya huffed. “I meant ruling a country, but I suppose being married to you won’t prove much less of a challenge.” 

Nikolai’s eyes lit up at the words. “Point taken, Nazyalensky,” he muttered, kissing the shell of her ear. His expression turned serious again. “It’s going to be fine,” he added. “Nothing we can’t handle.” 

The party ended long after midnight and it was close to dawn when they were finally able to leave the ballroom and make their way back into their chambers. Outside, the sun was already rising on the horizon.   
  
To a peaceful Ravka. To a new era. 

Zoya shrieked when Nikolai picked her up in his arms, carrying her through the door and into his bedroom. Or, their bedroom after tonight.

They didn’t make it to the bed. 

“We should have left that party hours ago,” Nikolai murmured, already kissing along her jaw as he pushed her back against the door, pinning her body in place with his own. 

Zoya tipped her head back, moving to unbutton his shirt. There was too much fabric separating them. “Patience is a virtue, right?” she commented, feeling a wave of satisfaction at the way Nikolai’s eyes glistened. And darkened. 

He growled something against her skin as he peeled the fabric of her dress away, letting it drop to the floor. His lips nipped at her earlobe, sending shivers racing across Zoya’s skin. Nikolai only pressed her tighter against the door, every inch of her skin covered with his. His fingers dug into her thighs as he picked her up, lips never letting go of her. 

Zoya felt a wave of heat rushing through her body when she wrapped her arms around his shoulders, steadying herself. She could barely breathe, the impatience nagging at her. “Why am I still dressed,” she whispered, exhaling sharply as Nikolai gripped her chin, pushing her head back against the door. 

“What did you say about patience, love?” His grin was wicked. 

She hated him a little just then. Nikolai’s teeth dug into the side of her neck and Zoya dropped her head back against the door, allowing him better access to her throat. 

He continued to undress her at last, pushing her legs apart as he slipped closer, catching her lips with his own. Zoya released a small moan as his fingers trailed along her jaw. Nikolai grinned in response, thumb brushing over her lips. “I love you,” he whispered, and then pushed inside her, so suddenly that she couldn’t help but cry out. 

Zoya’s nails scraped across his skin as she clung to Nikolai, releasing another moan as he buried himself deeper inside her, rolling his hips against her, slowly. So painfully slowly. She could have strangled him right then. “Don’t push me, your Highness,” she gasped, exhaling sharply as his lips nipped at her throat. “You don’t want to start off this marriage on bad terms.” 

Nikolai chuckled against her skin, his eyes darting up for a moment. His lips brushed hers briefly, merely teasing. “I’ll take my chances,” he whispered, his breath caressing her skin. 

He made good on that promise. 

Zoya woke up to sunlight streaming into the room, and to Nikolai asleep next to her. She rolled over, resting her head on his chest. A few golden curls had fallen into his face, reflecting the sunlight. 

He stirred as she moved, lazily brushing a hand along her back. It must be midday already, judging by the sun outside the window. “Good morning,” he muttered, giving her a sleepy look. 

Zoya sighed, easing deeper into his arms as she listened to his steady heartbeat below her fingertips. She never wanted to leave this bed again. “Do you think we can get away with hiding today?”

Nikolai smirked, brushing a hand through her hair. ”Who would stop us?” 

“Genya,” Zoya suggested. “Alina. Modesty didn’t stop her the last time.” 

That exact moment, someone knocked on the door. Zoya released a small growl, dropping her head against Nikolai’s chest. 

He laughed, pulling the covers over her. “What is it?” he wanted to know, with the voice of a king who would rather not be interrupted right now. 

The person behind the door cleared her throat. “Your Highness,” Genya began, voice trailing off. “Not to interrupt your  _ very  _ extended wedding night, but I assumed you would like to say goodbye to Alina before she left?” 

Right. Zoya had forgotten all about the Sun Summoner. She rolled off Nikolai quickly, allowing him to slip out of the bed. “We’ll be there,” he informed Genya, already disappearing in the bathroom. 

Zoya dropped her head back against the pillows, releasing a sigh. “Genya?” she called the tailor back. “Do you have another minute?” She could hear Nikolai laughing next door as the shower was turned on. 

Genya peaked her head into the room. “In need of tailoring?” 

Zoya shot her a deadly look. “In case you forgot, I can officially have you thrown in the dungeons now.” 

“Who could hide your bruises then?” Genya’s grin was wicked. She sank down on the edge of the bed, studying Zoya’s skin. “You look terrible.” 

Zoya fluffed her hair back, allowing the tailor access to her neck and throat. “Better than you. That lipstick doesn’t match your hair.”

Genya ignored the comment, as her cool fingers pressed to Zoya’s skin. “I assume your wedding night was all you hoped for and more.” Her eyes darted towards the bathroom. Then she dropped her voice. “Can we expect a prince or a princess soon?” 

Zoya tensed at the words. She clutched the covers closer to her body. “Don’t be ridiculous,” she muttered. “We have time.” 

Although not forever. Kings were expected to have heirs. She had known that when she said yes to Nikolai. Of course, she had. 

Genya raised an auburn brow. “So? You’re still taking a tonic?” 

She gave the briefest nod. She didn’t want to think about this.

“Does Nikolai know?” Genya tilted her head, examining the purple bruises which spread across Zoya’s shoulder. “He did quite the job there.” 

Zoya shifted. “He never asked,” she said briefly. The shower next door went out. 

Genya kept her gaze trained on her work. “So you don’t think it would be important to talk about? Possible children in the future?”

Now that they didn’t need to worry about the Darkling every day, perhaps it would be. “There’s nothing  _ possible  _ about those children, Genya,” Zoya replied, voice too sharp. It wasn’t even Genya’s fault. It was her own. “A king needs an heir. More than one, best case scenario.” And Nikolai needed it even more desperately. Because their enemies were still gathering, Lantsov pretenders rallying in every country by now. 

Genya dropped her hands, admiring her work. Then her gaze returned to Zoya’s. “Do you want children?” An innocent question. A simple yes or no. 

Zoya exhaled. “This isn’t my choice.” Not anymore. She had chosen Nikolai, and everything that came with his title. A queen didn’t get to say in these matters. 

Genya’s smile was sad when she stood up. “I’ll leave you to it.” 

The door behind her closed just when Nikolai emerged from the bathroom, hair still damp, but at least dressed. He frowned as he noticed her expression. “What’s wrong?” 

Now was hardly the time for that conversation. Zoya forced a smile onto her lips, getting to her feet as well. “Tell Alina I’ll accompany her and the tracker to their farm, make sure they arrive safely.” It was an excuse. To get away from Nikolai, from the panic Genya’s question had sparked. 

For a moment Nikolai looked like he wanted to ask, but instead, he just nodded. “Don’t take too long,” he remarked as she shut the bathroom door behind herself. 

Zoya didn’t respond. Instead, she poured herself a bath, sank into the hot water and closed her eyes. 


	13. Chapter 13

The trip to Alina’s farm turned out longer than expected. Zoya rode hidden beneath the hood of her coat, Tamar urging her that it was too risky to show the queen of Ravka’s face in public right now. Zoya felt like she should have minded the two-day trip, the absence of Nikolai, but although she missed his presence, she couldn’t help but be glad of the distance between them. 

Because it meant that she didn't need to face her future just yet. 

When the time for goodbye came Zoya handed Alina a blue  _ kefta,  _ a smile on her lips. “You’re always welcome in the capital.” She has grown unusually fond of the Sun Summoner, at last. “And you will always be one of us.” Powers or no powers. 

Alina returned the smile, a certain sadness in her eyes. “Take care of Nikolai,” was all she said. 

Zoya felt a sudden stab of guilt. She wasn’t ready to go back just yet. “I will,” she promised nonetheless. 

But the day of return came, and Tamar escorted Zoya back to her chambers, leaving her alone with her husband too soon. 

Naturally, Nikolai already knew that something was wrong. 

“Can I confess something?” he asked quietly as the door closed behind Tamar. 

Zoya sat down on the edge of the bed, giving a half shrug. “Go ahead.” 

“I heard your conversation with Genya.” 

She froze.  _ Oh.  _ At least that saved her the trouble of having to address the topic. “So?” Zoya replied, and she could already feel herself getting defensive. Pushing him away. 

Nikolai’s gaze was steady. “So you don’t want children?” 

Zoya got to her feet, turning her back to him. Instead, she stared out of the window. It was easier this way. “Like I told Genya - I don’t have a choice in the matter.” 

She could hear his steps pacing through the room and then Nikolai was standing in front of her, arms crossed. “You don’t really think I’m going to  _ force  _ you to have children, do you?” 

“That’s not what I said,” she argued, but he interrupted. 

“Wasn’t it exactly that?” 

She fell silent, glancing up at him. “You need an heir, to keep your claim to the throne. Sooner rather than later.” This was nothing but the truth. 

Nikolai sighed, running a hand through his hair. “Things would be so much easier if you just talked to me, Nazyalensky.” He shook his head. “And stop making decisions on your own.” 

Zoya pressed her lips together, noticing the way his eyes had shifted at the words. He was remembering the Shadow Fold. 

“Dunyasha Lazareva-” she began. The Lantsov pretender who was rallying an army in Fjerda. Trained in the highest form of battle. She was only one of the enemies coming for Nikolai’s country right now. 

Again, he didn’t allow her to continue. “I don’t care.” Nikolai let out a frustrated breath. “You don’t really think that I care more about the throne than I do about you.” 

Zoya didn’t reply. She knew he was waiting for an answer, but she didn’t have anything to say. And so she turned away. 

Nikolai caught her wrist, forcing her to look at him. “Why are you making this so hard for me, Zoya?” 

She didn’t know. She wasn’t sure when this marriage had begun to feel like a trap, a trap she couldn’t escape from anymore. Zoya yanked her arm free, bringing more space between herself and Nikolai. She felt the unwelcome prickle of tears at the back of her eyes. But she refused to cry in front of him. 

He sighed heavily but didn’t make another move to hold her back. “Is this conversation still about children?” he asked quietly. “Or about something else?” 

Zoya suddenly remembered the moment in the chapel, the moment where the priest had spoken their vows. And she remembered another chapel, another priest, and a golden dress glowing in the sunlight.  _ Pachina.  _

The ghost of her past would never stop haunting her. She suddenly felt like she was going to be sick. For years the memories had stayed buried, but the wedding had brought them all back. Perhaps she never should have given marriage another shot in the first place. 

And yet she had never had the strength to deny Nikolai anything. Least of all her heart. 

He watched her with worried eyes, having fallen silent. 

Zoya couldn’t manage to look at him. At the guilt in his eyes. Although it was all her fault. And yet she couldn't explain. She wasn’t ready to face Pachina head-on just yet. 

Nikolai took a step in her direction but kept his distance. “We won’t even consider children until you’re ready, Zoya,” he said quietly, eyes still watching her. “I promise.” 

She blinked the tears away from her eyes. The tears she couldn’t cry. “I need a moment,” was all she said, turning and disappearing in the bathroom. She slammed the door shut behind herself, her back sinking against the cool wood. 

_ This was not Pachina.  _ This was not her being forced into anything. She had wanted to marry Nikolai. She still wanted to. Zoya closed her eyes, willing the memories to stop coming back. She couldn’t think about this, not right now. She took a deep breath, trying to calm her racing heartbeat. And another one. 

Next door, Nikolai was pacing through the room. Zoya could practically sense his restlessness. His worry. She owed him an explanation. 

Very slowly, she emerged from the bathroom. She lifted her chin, at last facing her husband. 

Nikolai said nothing, only crossed the room and suddenly wrapped his arms around her. Zoya sank against his chest, breathing in his scent, listening to his heartbeat. For a moment she refused to move. 

Nikolai rested his chin on top of her head. “This isn’t about the children, is it?” 

She softly shook her head. No, not anymore. Zoya glanced up at Nikolai. She couldn’t tell him. Not right now. “I’m not good at this marriage thing.” Admitting that she was failing at something had never come easy to her, but this particular flaw took her even more effort to admit. 

“I thought you excel at everything,” Nikolai commented, a hint of his usual lightheartedness in his voice. But his face was instantly serious again. “You’re not making it particularly easy for me,” he admitted. “But I always quite enjoyed a challenge.”

Zoya glared up at him, narrowing her eyes. “Careful, Your Highness,” she muttered. 

Nikolai chuckled, brushing a hand over her hair. “You can tell me when you’re ready,” he said quietly. “Whatever it is.” As usual, he had seen right through her. 

Zoya sighed, playing with the end of her sleeve. “I’m still taking a tonic,” she remarked, careful to bring up the topic again. A silent question rested behind the words.

Nikolai only shook his head. “It’s your decision.” 

_ But was it really?  _ Once again, the weight of the crown now atop her head seemed to weigh her down. Ravka needed an heir.  _ Nikolai  _ needed an heir. More than any Lantsov king before him. “Fine,” she replied eventually, sitting down on the edge of the bed. She had made her decision. For better or worse. 

Nikolai dropped his head, suddenly looking upset. He knelt down in front of her. “You don’t need to sacrifice anything for me.” 

“Ravka needs this,” she replied quietly. She intertwined her fingers with Nikolai’s. “We’re a broken country, freshly out of civil war. Fjerda and Shu-Han are probably already rallying their armies.”  _ And the Fjerdan’s would be backing up Dunyasha Lazareva sooner or later.  _ “And you made the mistake of choosing a Grisha queen, out of all options.” 

Nikolai let out a long breath. “You’re the best one I could have chosen, Nazyalensky.” His gaze had softened. “Look at how much you love this country.” 

Zoya dropped her shoulders, shaking her head. “So do you.” 

A smile touched his lips and he got to his feet, dropping a kiss on her hair. “Not as much as I love you,” he whispered, pulling away. 

She didn’t stop him, only kept sitting on the edge of the bed, wondering if she could work up the courage to be truly honest. 

Nikolai didn’t return until late into the night, too late for Zoya to even notice. She woke up to him next to her, one arm around her waist, his face buried in her hair. He didn’t stir when she pulled away and got up, and she didn’t have the heart to wake him. 

She met with the twins in the war room first, going over correspondence and reports, and then with Genya. 

“Where is your husband?” the tailor greeted Zoya, pouring herself a cup of tea before sitting down across from her. “Already growing tired of you?” 

Zoya knew that Genya’s joke was harmless, but the words hit a little too close to home. She stirred her own tea without responding. 

Genya sighed deeply. “What’s wrong?” she wanted to know, leaning across the table. Now her eyes were concerned. Worried. 

Zoya pressed her lips together, playing with the teacup between her fingers. “I’m failing at marriage,” she said eventually. 

Genya looked like she had another comment already on her tongue, but was resisting the temptation. Instead, she simply asked, “Why?”. 

_ Because she was scared.  _ Zoya took a sip from her tea. “There are some stories I haven’t told him yet,” she muttered. The tea was too sweet. 

Genya dropped more sugar into her cup. “Because you don’t trust him?” She raised an auburn brow.

But that wasn’t even the problem. Zoya shook her head. “I don’t want him to look at me differently.” She didn’t want his pity or even his sadness. She didn’t want comfort. All she had wanted was to move on from this, to leave Pachina behind her and burn the entire thing to the ground. 

Genya’s gaze softened. “Has he ever done that before?” she asked quietly. “He looks at you like you’re his whole world.” 

Zoya remembered the day all those months ago when she had told Nikolai about Liliyana. How he had never turned away. Never treated her any different. She remembered when she had told him the story of her amplifier, of the tiger’s marks on her back. “No,” she replied, glancing at Genya. “He hasn’t.” 

“Then why this time?” Genya’s gaze was expectant. 

Just then, the door was opened. Zoya flinched at the sound, looking up to meet Nikolai’s eyes. 

“Good morning,” he greeted, voice unusually bright. He was trying to hide something, Zoya noticed. And he refused to look at her directly. 

Zoya silently sipped her tea, feeling herself tensing as Nikolai kissed the top of her head briefly. 

“Any news?” he asked, sinking down in the chair next to her. 

Genya was nice enough to jump in. “No,” she replied swiftly. “Nothing of importance.” 

Zoya felt Nikolai’s eyes on her now. Calculating. She didn’t turn, only finished her tea without a word. She had stopped taking her potion yesterday, but he didn’t know that. And yet he had avoided her bed tonight. __

At last, Genya cleared her throat. “I will go look for David,” she announced, casting Zoya a long glance and then getting up from her chair.  _ Tell him,  _ her expression was saying. 

Zoya just wasn’t sure how to do that. 

The door fell shut and they were alone. Nikolai released a long breath. “You didn’t wake me up this morning,” he remarked. 

“You didn’t come back until after dark,” Zoya replied, with the same frustrated tone in her voice. What were they even fighting over? 

His eyes studied her face. “You’re right,” he offered. “I’m sorry.” Somehow that made it even worse. 

Zoya dropped her spoon into the empty teacup, shoving it away from her. She crossed her arms. Apologizing was hardly one of her strong suits. And yet this was all her fault. 

Nikolai waited a few more seconds, then shifted closer. “Zoya.” His voice was soft. 

She dared to look at him, lifting her gaze for the first time. She didn’t pull away when Nikolai took her hand, intertwining their fingers. 

“Talk to me,” he said quietly. “I know that this isn’t about the children, but-” 

She interrupted. If she didn’t say it now, she would never again have the courage. “When I was nine-” her voice was shaking too much. “my mother tried to sell me off into marriage.” 

Nikolai froze. She could feel his body tensing, every muscle suddenly taunt. He was staring at her as if he had just seen a ghost. 

She forced herself to continue. “I know that what we have isn’t the same thing.” She did know. But that didn’t make the nightmares any easier to endure. “But I didn’t think I would ever set foot into an aisle again.” 

Nikolai exhaled, still unmoving. “We didn’t need to get married,” he whispered suddenly. “You could have told me-” 

Zoya shook her head, getting up from her chair and instead slipping closer to him. She felt his arms wrap around her waist as she leaned against Nikolai’s chest. She silently shook her head. There were too many things she couldn’t say. 

But if it had been anyone else but Nikolai, she would have run a long time ago. There was no one else she trusted with everything. 

Nikolai pressed a kiss to her brow, pulling her a little closer into his embrace. “Do you know his name?” 

Zoya stilled, glaring at him. “Why?” Of course she knew. She would never forget that particular name. Or the face it belonged to. Or anything which had happened on that day. Even now could she feel the shadow of the golden chapel. 

“So I can hunt him down and break every bone in his body.” There was no lie in Nikolai’s eyes, although the words were spoken with lethal softness. A shadow had fallen across his features. 

Zoya only shook her head, brushing a hand along his neckline, feeling his tense muscles. If she had desired for that man to die, she would have done so herself a long time ago. She closed her eyes for a moment, leaning into Nikolai’s warmth. All she wanted was to get as far away from Pachina as she could. 

Nikolai brushed a hand over her hair. “I love you,” he said quietly, kissing the top of her head. “Thank you for telling me.” 

For a moment they sat in silence, Zoya leaning her head against his chest, inhaling his scent. 

Eventually, Nikolai shifted. “We’re not even going to talk about children until you’re ready.” His thumb brushed over her cheek. “I know you love being stubborn, but this time I mean it, Nazyalensky.” 

Zoya said nothing. She only nodded. But there was still a question nagging at her. “What if I’m never ready?” she said eventually. 

Nikolai sighed. “Then we’ll figure out another way.” 

She sat up straight, meeting his eyes. Nikolai had always wanted children, she knew as much.  _ Perhaps this marriage was never meant to work out in the first place.  _

As usual, he read her mind. “Don’t even think that,” Nikolai whispered, pressing the briefest kiss to her lips. 

The next days passed in a blur. Zoya kept herself busy with taking on new responsibilities as queen, on top of her dealings with the Second Army. It stopped her from thinking too much about other things, and it allowed her to stay up working late to avoid another conversation about possible children. 

She mostly worked in Nikolai’s study, the room still familiar enough that it reminded her of her husband whenever she looked up. Usually, he left her alone and went to bed without her, but this night he seemed to have changed plans. 

Zoya felt Nikolai’s presence before she even looked up from her correspondence, feeling him hover near the door for a while before he eventually came up to her, dropping a kiss on the top of her head. “I didn’t realize that being married meant that I don’t get to see you except for meetings.” 

“One of us needs to rule your country,” Zoya remarked, putting her pen down. “Since you prefer to go and throw a party with Count Kirigin.” 

Nikolai huffed, and even without seeing his face she knew he was grinning. “Kirigin is vital to our plans, and it can’t hurt to have a little fun in the process. I did tell you that you could attend as well.” 

Zoya snorted. “Right,” she replied. “A king which has a reputation of throwing parties and spending too much money will surely improve the country’s image.” 

She could hear him release a sigh at the words, then he moved and leaned against the table in front of her. “Are you going to keep avoiding me forever?” 

Zoya looked away at the sudden honesty, staring down at the paper in front of her. For a moment she didn’t react. Then she sank back in her chair. “I’m going to be a terrible mother.” 

Nikolai gave her a startled look. “What?” 

“I’m not taking anything anymore.” She hadn’t picked her tonic back up. Not for over a week. Over a week of avoiding Nikolai at night. 

The realization seemed to settle in. Then his head dropped, and Nikolai sighed again. “You are going to be a great mother,” he said softly. “When the time comes.” 

_ Right.  _ Zoya picked on a loose thread of her  _ kefta,  _ not replying. Not meeting his eyes. 

Nikolai exhaled slowly. “If I asked you again,” he muttered. “would you still agree to marry me?” 

The words made Zoya’s gaze dart up. For a second she was tempted to just get to her feet and lean into his arms. Instead, she took a deep breath. “Of course I would.” She hadn’t been prepared for the relief which flooded Nikolai’s face at those words.  _ He had doubted her.  _ A new wave of guilt settled over her and this time she didn’t stop herself from getting to her feet. 

Nikolai drew her closer, wrapping his arms around her waist as if to prevent her from slipping away. “I missed you,” he whispered, pressing a kiss to the side of her neck. 

Zoya couldn’t help but roll her eyes, running a hand through his hair. She had missed him, too. Much more than she would ever allow him to know. 

“Are you going to join me in our bed tonight?” Nikolai muttered into her hair, pressing another kiss against the shell of her ear. “Or do I need to drag you into the bedroom?”  
  
She huffed a laugh. “Good luck trying, your Highness.” 

Naturally, she didn’t need to tell him again. Nikolai had already picked her up at the waist, ignoring her protest, and proceeded to carry her into the next room. 

“You proved your point,” Zoya muttered, trying to get free of his grip. “Set me down.” 

Nikolai chuckled, then dropped her onto the bed. 

Zoya shot him a deadly glare, narrowing her eyes at him as she watched him move closer, pinning her body down on the mattress. “Are you getting at anything, your Highness?” she asked, voice honey-sweet. 

The look Nikolai gave her was pure hunger and then he was kissing her, pressing her down into the pillows, fingers brushing the hair away from her face. Zoya sighed as she rested her hands at the back of his neck, drawing him closer, wrapping her legs around his torso. Nikolai’s fingers dug into the skin of her hips, running along the side of her body, tracing the shape of her ribs. She shivered under the touch. 

“Missed me?” Nikolai commented with a grin as he noticed, kissing the edge of her jaw, then the hollow of her throat. 

Zoya huffed, reaching for the fabric of his shirt and pulling it over his head. She ran a hand through his golden curls. “I’m not the impatient one here, Your Highness.” 

Nikolai growled in response, already slipping the  _ kefta _ from her shoulders. His lips brushed across her shoulders, then further down her chest as he exposed more and more of her bare skin. Zoya dropped her head into the pillows, arching her back against his touch. 

He was teasing her, riling her up, and although she was well aware she couldn’t help herself. “Is this your punishment?” she gasped, just as Nikolai’s kisses spread across her stomach. She released a sigh as his lips nipped at the skin, slowly traveling lower. 

He smirked, and his warm breath was caressing her. “What for, my love?”   
  
Zoya was tempted to strangle him right there. “For being absent from your bed.” 

Nikolai gazed up at her for a moment, eyes unusually dark. “Perhaps.” He was kissing along the inside of her thighs now, Zoya gripping the bedsheets with such force that she was afraid they might rip. 

“ _ Nikolai. _ ” She was barely able to speak. Her head was swimming. 

He huffed a laugh, lips nipping at the skin of her inner thigh. “Want something?” 

“I’m going to murder you.”   
  
He had the audacity to pull back. “Not the words I was looking for. Try again.” 

Zoya released a sharp breath. She was going to kill him. Once they were done here… Although she knew what he wanted to hear from her. “I’m not begging, your Highness.” 

Nikolai grinned up at her. “But you do it so well, my dear.” 

She resisted the temptation to kick him. 

But he seemed to have taken mercy on her because his lips returned to her skin. Zoya exhaled sharply as Nikolai spread her legs, finally giving her what she wanted. 

She savored those little wins. Because by now, she was equally challenged and defied by Nikolai. And she was beginning to like it. 


	14. Chapter 14

“So,” Genya remarked, gesturing towards the decorations. “Blue or gold? Or both?” 

Zoya sighed heavily, blowing a strand of hair away from her face. “Keep it like it is.” 

Genya looked disappointed. “But the silver doesn’t match with the rest of the palace.” 

_ Like anyone cared.  _ This anniversary ball had only one reason: everyone came because they wanted to see Ravka’s queen, and her stomach that was still flat. No heirs yet. Not even a sign for pregnancy. Zoya pushed the thoughts away. “It looks great, Genya.” 

“Can we talk about the menu plan?” Genya kept insisting. “It’s only three more weeks until the ball.” 

Zoya hated this, and yet she had no choice. She would much rather spend the day outside training, but a queen had other duties to tend to, especially with Ravka’s broken image yet to be repaired. “It’s three more weeks to plan,” she muttered. “Why today?” 

“That’s what you said yesterday,” Genya commented, pursing her lips. 

During the last year, Nikolai and Zoya had done what they could to save the country, borrowed an awful sum from the Kerch, and kept rebuilding the countryside, the cities. Tried to give the people hope. 

But war was nagging at their borders, with the rumour of a new weapon being created in the depths of Fjerda.  _ Jurda Parem,  _ Tamar’s spies called it. A drug that could bend and break the will of anyone with Grisha blood. 

Zoya had sent her own forces, even went to Fjerda herself, trying to locate the source of those rumours. She had returned empty-handed. Whatever Jarl Brum was cooking up, he was hiding it too well. 

Which was why this party was all the more important. Nikolai had risked Ravka when he had married her, and Zoya was still trying to prove herself as queen. Most of all to herself.  _ She could handle another day of boring event planning.  _ She had to. For this cursed country, and for her husband.

Just then, as if he had heard her silent plea for help, Nikolai approached. “You look ready to kill someone, Nazyalensky,” he remarked, lightly kissing her temple in greeting. 

“Doesn’t she always,” Genya commented. 

Nikolai smirked. “Can I borrow her for a moment?”  
  
Zoya was almost certain that he had absolutely no reason and was just making this up to steal her away, and she was even more certain that Genya knew that as well. 

And yet the tailor gave a dismissive wave of her hand, lifting a shoulder. “If my company is so dreadful, sure, just go.”

Zoya rolled her eyes at the dramatic tone of voice. She followed Nikolai down the hallway until Genya was out of sight. “I didn’t think your meeting with the first minister would be done already,” she remarked. 

“He didn’t have much to say,” Nikolai replied, his tone less cheerful than usual. He was also worrying. About the country on the verge of collapse. “Except that we’re broke.” 

_ And on the brink of war.  _ Zoya played with a loose end of her  _ kefta.  _ “We can’t possibly borrow more money from the Kerch. And if Fjerda starts building their armed forces-”  
  
He interrupted, suddenly stopping her in the middle of the hallway. “I know you love being the general, but maybe some less dreadful topic for now?” 

Zoya huffed. “This is Ravka, there’s no good news.” 

Nikolai smirked, leading her into their bedroom. The familiarity of the room greeted them, instantly comforting. Zoya sank down in one of the sofas, leaning back. 

“There is good news though,” Nikolai remarked, sitting down next to her and placing a kiss against her shoulder blade. “It’s our anniversary today.”  
  
Zoya frowned, turning around to face him. “Our anniversary is in three weeks.” She would know since she was planning that cursed ball to celebrate it. 

Nikolai clutched his chest in mock despair. “You wound me, Zoya. You don’t even remember our wedding date.” 

She shot him a dark look. “I’m assuming you don’t mean the second wedding then.” She had been a little too occupied with the Darkling back then, enough to not worry about remembering the date. If she could admit as much, she had no idea if Nikolai was correct or not. 

“No,” he remarked. “I’m referring to the real one.” 

Zoya leaned back against his shoulder, resting her head against him. “I might have forgotten about that,” she admitted. 

Nikolai chuckled. “I am inclined to forgive you, but only if your anniversary gift makes up for it.” 

She rolled her eyes. “You should feel lucky that I’m even here, dragging your country out of the mud.” 

Nikolai’s lips found her neck, leaving a soft kiss on her skin. “Very lucky indeed,” he confirmed. For a moment he paused. “Did you read Alina’s letter?”  
  
Zoya felt herself tensing, sitting up straight at the mention of it. Yes, she had read the letter. “I’m happy for her,” she replied, but she hardly meant it. It didn’t even sound vaguely convincing, least of all to Nikolai. Because Alina was pregnant. And Zoya was not, no matter how desperately she needed it to happen. If only to show that she was not failing at all parts of being queen.  
  
“We still have time,” Nikolai remarked, as if having read her mind. “There is no rush.”  
  
Except there was. Rush in the sense of a Lantsov pretender at their doorstep, and another one in Fjerda. All waiting to steal the throne. And Nikolai still had no heir. Zoya exhaled slowly, trying to calm her mind down. The healer she had seen had promised her that there was nothing wrong, that she simply needed to  _ align her mind with her body  _ and the pregnancy would happen. 

Nikolai had sensed her restlessness. He moved closer, brushing some hair away from her face and kissing the side of her neck. “We’re fine,” he said quietly. “We’re married. We’re happy.” 

“Ravka is falling apart around us,” Zoya remarked dryly. 

Nikolai huffed. “I do find your pessimism charming, but sometimes you could just listen to me.” 

Zoya sighed, closing her eyes for a moment as she rested her body against his. They had given up too much to falter now. Ravka could still be saved. It had to. 

Zoya had no idea how she survived the anniversary ball. Genya had invited people from all over the country, and even some Shu and Fjerdan officials had joined the fun. And the Kerch, naturally. Zoya suspected they wanted to see how Ravka had spent all their money. 

The evening was an endless stream of meaningless conversations, dancing, drinking, more conversation and more drinking. 

It was nearing dawn when they finally got back to their rooms. Zoya immediately sank down in one of the armchairs, not even caring about the creases on her dress. She sighed heavily. “If this didn’t save Ravka, then I’m done trying.” 

Nikolai smiled, shrugging his jacket off. “I have something to lighten your mood.” 

Zoya raised a brow. “What?”  
  
“A gift.” He looked much too pleased with himself for Zoya’s liking. 

She got to her feet nevertheless, watching Nikolai disappear in the study next door, and return with a small object wrapped up in paper. Zoya watched the grin on his face as he handed it to her. “What is it?”    
Nikolai shrugged. “See for yourself.” 

Zoya unwrapped it, letting the paper fall to the floor. She was holding a small glass globe, for a moment confused about what she was seeing. And then she looked closer. The inside of the glass was filled with three little tiger cubs, curling up on a white underground.  _ Snow,  _ she realized. Her other fingers automatically went to the amplifier on her wrist. 

Nikolai’s voice ripped her from her trance. “Shake it.”

Zoya’s gaze darted up. “What?”  
  
He rolled his eyes, reaching for her wrist and shaking the globe gently. 

Snow began to fall within, the tigers covered in it. And then, just like that, a small bolt of lightning flashed. Zoya felt the unwelcome sensation of tears burning in her eyes, quickly blinking a few times. She didn’t know what to say, or how to act, and so she just got to her tiptoes and pressed a kiss to Nikolai’s lips. 

He seemed to have understood her silent  _ thank you _ , resting a hand on her back and drawing her closer. “I love you.” 

Zoya rested her forehead against his chest. “How exactly did you come up with this?” 

Nikolai shrugged, resting his chin on top of her head. “You inspired me.” He chuckled. “Although I did have some help from David with the details.”

Zoya gazed up at him. “It’s beautiful.” She carefully put the globe down on the table.

Nikolai smirked, raising a brow. “Worried that your gift can’t compare, Nazyalensky?” 

Zoya huffed, stepping away from him. Her fingers reached for the zip of her dress. “ _ I’m  _ your gift, Your Highness.” The fabric fell. “Care to unwrap me?” 

She took great satisfaction from the way NIkolai’s eyes darkened as he stared at the black lacy lingerie set she was wearing, for a moment not even moving. Then he released a low growl, suddenly gripping her hips so forcefully that Zoya had trouble keeping her balance. 

“Patience,” she purred into his ear, Nikolai silencing her with his lips on hers. 

He was already leading her towards the bed, never letting an inch of space between their bodies. Zoya peeled the shirt from his body, running her hands along his toned stomach just as he pushed her down on the mattress.

“This might be my favourite anniversary gift,” Nikolai breathed against her neck, nipping at the skin just below her earlobe. 

Zoya hesitated. There was something else she had meant to say, and yet the courage had left her too soon. “Nikolai,” she muttered, half distracted as he kissed down her chest. Her skin was on fire under his touch. 

“Yes my love?” His lips had found the curve of her breasts. 

She took a deep breath. This was the worst possible moment. “I’m pregnant.” 

Nikolai froze. She could feel every muscle in his body suddenly taunt, hardening under her fingertips. Then he was above her, leaning against the pillows. “Say that again.” 

Zoya forced herself to meet his eyes. “I’m pregnant.” 

“Since when?” 

She had hoped he wouldn’t ask. “Six weeks.” The healer had confirmed it. 

Nikolai leaned down, lips brushing across her jaw. “How long have you known?”

Zoya ran a hand along his shoulders, feeling the warmth of his skin. “Two weeks.” 

His expression remained steady. “You could have told me,” he said quietly, placing another kiss against her neck. 

Yes, she could have. But the panic which had seized her the moment she had known had been too much to bear. She hadn’t even quite understood herself. She had waited for this pregnancy to happen. And yet she had been as scared as never before. 

Somehow, Nikolai seemed to have read all those emotions on her face. His fingers traced the line of her cheekbone. “We’ll handle it. Like we always do.” Another kiss to her lips. “Together.” 

Zoya felt like a weight lifted from her chest. “This baby-” she began, but Nikolai silenced her with his lips, this time more forceful. 

“Don’t worry until tomorrow,” he breathed. 

Zoya closed her eyes as his lips descended lower, as the rest of the world seemed to drift to the back of her mind. They would save Ravka. They would handle this baby. And then they would figure out everything else. 

“Together,” she whispered as Nikolai kissed her again.  _ Together.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank u so much for reading this fic, i really appreciate it ♥ i hope ur satisfied with the ending


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